


What If?

by Immortal_Magic_Freak



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Insecure Remus, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-19 20:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7377103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immortal_Magic_Freak/pseuds/Immortal_Magic_Freak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PROMPT FROM tigergirl-moonstar on FanFiction: Love story based on Remus and Sirius how they got together and their relationship how it was meant to be without Voldemort and sent to Azkaban</p><p>AU! After defeating Voldemort on May 2nd 1981, they can finally live normally again, well, as normally as witches and wizards can! As life continues, now the threat is gone, Remus finds he can't and doesn't want to keep hiding how he feels for his best friend. Scared, he says nothing. But what if? What if he isn't the only one feeling that way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Authors Note: HEYO! XD Please tell me what you think; I would love to know XD I own nothing and no one.
> 
> JUST SO YOU KNOW: I haven't written a Wolfstar fic in a LONG time - please be gentle with me XD
> 
> Please review XD

**Remus**

_It was over... We had won... The enormity of that fact hadn't quite sunk in, everyone too busy riding on the adrenalin high. It was a day that every witch and wizard would remember. A day that everyone in the wizarding world, those present and yet to come, would be told of._

_They would know that May 2nd 1981 was the day we defeated the Dark Lord - the day we defeated Voldemort._

_The day wasn't without its losses. Everyone lost friends and family, everyone lost someone we knew. The hardest loss, for me, had to be Peter. The entire time, Peter was working for him. Peter was feeding him information about James and Lily! Peter, one of my best friends, turned out to be a traitor._

_He deserved to be a rat._

_Peter was taken to Azkaban. He was to be kept in a cell, a charm stopping him from transforming into his Animagus and escaping. It hurt to know that someone so close to me, someone that had been one of the first to befriend me, could do that. To know that someone so close to me was such a coward!_

_But I still had the others._

_I still had James and Lily - and little Harry!_

_I still had Sirius._

_I still had the friends that counted and little Harry would grow up with his parents, as well as his Godfather._

_"Remus, please, you know I wouldn't!" Peter begged, yelling as he was dragged away._

_His voice. The voice of a friend that I had lost. The voice that would haunt me as I thought of all the trust we had placed in him over the years. We were the only ones that treated Peter with kindness, treated him like the person he was. None of that mattered anymore._

_Turning my back, I took my first step away from Peter, stumbling towards the friends I could trust. I wasn't going to fall for any more of his lies, I wasn't going to be treated like some gullible idiot! I wouldn't be a doormat. Not when it came to this._

_No, I didn't need Peter. None of us did. We would be better off without him and so would little Harry._

* * *

It had only been a week since the battle. The Daily Prophet was still running the story, speaking out about our fallen comrades. They didn't twist the story, they didn't put worse in anyone's mouth. They kept it factual, _truthful_.

I was sitting in the kitchen of Lily and James' house, looking through the doorway at Sirius with his Godson. I never would have thought Sirius would be good with kids, if I was being completely honest. I thought he would have no idea how to look after a child, what to do with a child... But, with Harry, he was amazing. He would help feed him, wash him, _change_ him. It was absolutely mindboggling. It made me wonder how he would be with his own kid - come on, if James had a baby, I was sure Sirius would too!

Honestly, the thought of Sirius having kids was hard to swallow. For years - I wasn't sure when exactly it had started - I had been in love with my best friend. Well, I was sure it was love. Everything Lily would tell me she felt about James would be exactly how I felt about Sirius... Lily was in love with James... Lily was the only one to know, the only one I had told. There were often times when she would try and get me to do something, tried to make me see that it wasn't just me... Obviously, it hadn't worked. But it was fine, I was fine.

"You're pining again, Remus." Lily giggled, handing me a cup of coffee.

"I am doing no such thing." I protested, already feeling my face heat up.

"That is a lie, if ever I heard one!"

Glaring at her over the rim of the cup, I couldn't keep a small smile off of my face. It couldn't be helped that I was in love with my best friend. Just like it couldn't be helped that I was too much of a chicken to say anything to him. Just like it couldn't be helped that he, more than likely, didn't feel the same. I had resigned myself to that fact years ago.

Sighing a little to myself, I looked back towards the living room. Sirius had stood up from his perch on the coffee table, little Harry in his arms and walking our way.

"I think this fussy little sprog wants his mummy." Sirius grinned. "Does he need feeding yet?"

"Not for another hour." Lily smiled, standing to take her son.

It was obvious to me that Lily was going to be a good mother. The fact she was able to put up with both James and Sirius was proof of just how much she could handle; she always knew just what to say, even if it didn't seem like it at that moment; she was kind and caring... There were so many things about her that, when you looked at her, you could tell she would be an amazing mother. And she was. Now, don't get me wrong, she wasn't perfect - no one was perfect, especially when it came to raising a child - but she did everything she could and did her best. I think it helped that she had James, Sirius and I to lend a hand whenever she needed.

I watched as Harry's face broke into this big grin, a little laugh bubbling up from his throat as Lily hugged him to her. I always found it rather funny - though I could see Lily having a child, I was never able to envision James having a child. I always thought he'd stay the massive kid he was. But he had grown up. Only twenty one and he was married, with a kid and mature enough to handle all the responsibilities that came with it. It was... _insane_. James was a terrific father, something no one would have thought when seeing him at school.

"Never saw it coming." Sirius chuckled as Lily went to get one of Harry's toys from the other room.

"Huh?" I hummed, twisting my head to look at him.

Sirius had, well, let's face it, puberty had been kind to him and his looks were only improving with time. He was well built; his muscles noticeable yet somehow subtle; his dark hair cut off just above the base of his neck, a fringe sweeping to the right and slightly covering his stormy blue-grey eyes; his skin slightly tanned - how he managed that with the British weather, I didn't know! But whilst he looked like a male model, I... _didn't_.

"James - getting married, having a kid. I thought for sure you'd be the first of us, Moony." Sirius explained, hooking his arm around my shoulders as he reached for the cup Lily had put on the table for him. "You were always the more mature one. Never thought it would be Prongs!"

"He's grown up a lot, Pads. I think the war aged him." I told him, trying not to flush from the close proximity. "Believe it or not, you've grown up too."

"Padfoot? Grown up? Have you lost your mind, mate?" James laughed as he walked into the kitchen and reached for an apple from the fruit bowl, pushing himself up to sit on the counter. "Pads will never grown up, he's like that kid from that muggle story you keep telling Harry."

No matter how long James and Sirius had been around Lily and I, they never quite seemed to get a handle on every muggle thing we taught them. They knew a lot, believe you me, but there was always one little thing about something or other that they just quite didn't get.

"You mean Peter Pan?" I asked.

Just like that the mood dropped, the three of us turning our eyes to the ground and standing in an awkward silence. No one had said anything about Peter, let alone said the name, since we found out he was the traitor. It was like an unspoken rule at first.

"You both realise we have to talk about it soon." I sighed, slumping further back into my chair.

"We don't _have_ to." James glared, the anger rising inside him at remembering how his family was almost destroyed.

"Yes we do. He was our friend since we were all eleven years old. For a decade, he was our friend. We can't just keep quiet about it all."

But neither of them said anything. Neither of them wanted to reply, neither of them seemed to want to acknowledge it anymore.

"Well, he wasn't always like that." Lily commented, appearing around the corner with Harry on her hip. "It was only recently, ever since Harry."

"He was one of the kindest people I had ever met, very trusting." I agreed. "Too bad he was such a coward."

"It was exactly what my parents would do." Sirius whispered, all traces of joy gone. "He betrayed us, just like they would have done."

"We trusted him, _I_ trusted him, too look out for Harry." James growled. "He was willing to help murder a baby."

Just like that, the gates opened. We couldn't stop talking about Peter - what he used to be like, how betrayed we felt, how twisted the whole situation was. I could only speak for myself, but I was sure that talking about it really did make it all a little easier to deal with, now no one was keeping their thoughts to themselves.

* * *

Making dinner had become a routine of sorts whenever Sirius and I stayed round. Two would always make it, the other two would always wash, dry and put away. Lily and I were usually the ones to do the cooking, which was fine by us, we had fun! And the other two? Well, it would always end in a bubble fight.

We went for simple that night, deciding to just get a takeaway, saving the mess. We all sat on the floor in the living room, sitting around the coffee table with Harry in between Lily and James. Having a takeaway wasn't something we all indulged in often though, given his way, Sirius would do it every night. It was something we would all treat ourselves with about once a month, if that. That night was definitely a night to treat ourselves.

We sat around the table, just talking about our time at Hogwarts, just remembering little things that happened there. It was nice to reminisce, something I never thought I'd be able to do after being bitten. I never thought I would have friends, especially not ones that cared about me as much as they did. The three of them didn't treat me differently because I was a werewolf, two of them became Animagi for me! The three of them treated me better than I ever thought I would be treated. They never acted like I was a monster, they trusted me. That was more than I could ever imagine having.

And I told them as much.

"Before I met you three, I though Dumbledore telling me I could go to Hogwarts was the best thing that could have happened to me." I told them, smiling slightly. "You're my best friends."

"And we love you too, Remus." Lily said, kissing my cheek as she hugged me.

"I can't wait for the day when they rule out that stupid law." James muttered.

"There are a lot of laws they need to get rid of." Sirius mumbled. "But, first, people need to stop being such bigots."

"That's a big word for you, Sirius." Lily joked.

Every time I was with my three best friends, I felt like an eleven year old again. I knew it had only been ten years, not that long yet it felt like a life time, but the war _had_ aged us all. Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally, definitely. However, despite that, we could still joke around. We could still act like the teenagers we were only two years before. It was something like a miracle, if I was being honest.

It was as I thought that that I felt little hands grabbing at my cardigan. Looking down to my right, I found that Harry had crawled away from between Lily and James, grabbing onto the fabric covering my arm and using that and the side of the table to pull himself up. For a while, Harry had been so close to walking - he wanted to, believe me, and he had been so close! But he hadn't yet managed. He would take a few tentative steps holding onto something, he could walk if someone held both of his hands... He was just so close. I thought he would try walking again once he had pulled himself up. But no. Instead, he just stood there, grinning at me and giggling slightly. His smile was infectious, how couldn't be when you could see it shining out of his emerald green eyes, exactly like his mothers? Gently hooking my arms around the little mite, I lifted him up, standing him in my lap facing me, making faces and moving side to side as he laughed. Lily loved to say that I was her favourite out of ' _us boys_ '. James liked to say that his son loved me more than him. Sirius said that Harry need sort out his priorities, always throwing in a wink towards me. I think it was simply Harry watched me thinking I was absolutely mad. But I would take what I could get, as long as he wasn't screaming bloody murder!

It was amazing, I thought, looking at Harry and seeing so much of James in him, but with Lily's eyes. I always found it so extraordinary. We could only hope that Harry adopted the best of Lily and James' traits, leaving the rest behind as he grew up. Lily was hoping that, with three male role models, all of whom had different values and personality traits she wanted for Harry, would help with that. I honestly didn't know what he could get from me, other than understanding that not everyone like me was a killer. That was all I could think he could learn from me. Well, that and the fact that I would always have chocolate if he needed it.

We would just have to wait until he was older to find that out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think Harry's Marauder name should be?
> 
> JUST SO YOU KNOW: I will be slow at updating - I have other multi-chapters I'm writing and some take longer to write than others, so I won't be as regular as I or you want :( I'm sorry, but I'll try my best!

** Remus **

I woke up the next morning in one of Lily and James' spare rooms. They always had them made up, just in case Sirius and I came round and it got too late to leave. It was nice being able to sleep on something soft, especially as the full moon drew closer. It would be three days of pain and blood...

The first day was always the worst.

As, I rubbed my hands over my face, they caught on the scars. They were the first things people saw when they looked at me - the scars. In my life, I had many people - muggles and wizarding folk alike - ask me if I was being abused. Rumours had spread around Hogwarts like wildfire, people whispering about what they heard of how I got my scars. Some speculated that I inflicted them on myself. They were the closest to the right answer, of course - they just didn't know I wasn't fully myself when it happened. I loathed my scars. I loathed the wolf. I loathed myself.

There were times, after the moon cycle had passed, I would wonder what would happen if people found out about me. If they found out they had sat next to a werewolf in class, if they had fought side-by-side with a werewolf against Voldemort. Would they say I was obviously working for the other side? Would they decide I was a danger to our society? I would have my wand snapped, if the wrong person found out!

All I could hope for was, one day, there would be equality for my kind. That we wouldn't be viewed as cruel beings. That we wouldn't be judged as a whole, but as individuals. One day...

* * *

Sirius and Harry seemed to be the only other two awake in the house, the two of them in the living room when I finally went downstairs. Sirius, over the recent years, had become an early riser, a habit that he hadn't been able to break as of yet. Of course, this was great when it came to Harry and letting James and Lily have the morning off.

Sirius was laying down in the middle of the room, Harry sitting on his stomach with his fingers in his mouth. The boy was just babbling, making random little noises as he sat there, jumping slightly as his pitch rose and fell... All the while, Sirius just watched him, contributing to the conversation every now and then with a ' _really_ ', ' _what happened next_ ', ' _did they_ ' and a ' _well, that's not good, is it_ '. Sure, the kid had no idea what was being said - he was only a baby after all - but it was all just a bit of fun. Whom it was most fun for, though, I didn't know!

"Look Bambi, Uncle Moony's awake!" Sirius grinned, carefully standing with the boy in his arms.

"Bambi? Really?" I chuckled, taking Harry from his crazy Godfather.

"He's a baby, James' animagus is a stag... It makes sense. I've been calling him that, in my head, ever since we found out Lily was pregnant."

Even as I rolled my eyes, I couldn't keep myself from smiling. Sirius had always had a way of making that happen - no matter what mood I was in, he could always make me laugh or smile. They'd all discovered that halfway through our first year. As soon as one little thing went wrong, as soon as I was feeling just a little bit bad, Sirius would come barrelling in and somehow make it better. I never realised that they were doing this until we were on the train, heading back for our third year.

"Besides, he's a Marauder. He _needs_ a codename." Sirius added, rubbing his hand gently down the back of Harry's head.

"So you're going to call him Bambi for the rest of his life?" I asked, sceptically.

"What's _your_ suggestion then?"

"Well, we _could_ wait until we know what his patronus is - base it off of that. Or, if you're really set on it being stag related, how about: Hart or Silverdeer, I don't know!"

Sirius just laughed as he put an arm around my shoulders, steering me towards the kitchen. It felt as if we were back at our place, nothing to do and just taking our time. He thrust a cup into my hand, mindful of the hot liquid, just like he would at home, taking the charm off of the cup before I could even blink. It had become a routine for us - whoever woke up first made coffee for the other, placing a charm on the cup to keep it hot until they appeared. It was a habit, something that we had carried over to Lily and James'.

"He's a bit young to be a Marauder, don't you think?" I asked, carefully sipping at the hot liquid as I balanced Harry on my hip.

"You are _never_ too young to be a Marauder." Sirius declared, his eyes wide.

Rolling my eyes slightly, I sat down in the nearest chair, balancing Harry on the table in front of me, the cup as far away as I could place it from him. As I kept hold of the baby in front of me, I watched as he rocked himself back and forth, the force strong enough to almost propel him off of the table. I didn't know why this surprised me - Lily was freakishly strong for someone as petite as her. I mean, she had managed to break a far few bones, no magic used - of course it would be passed on to her child!

"Isn't Uncle Moony silly, Harry." Sirius sighed, moving to stand behind me.

"I'm not ' _Uncle Moony_ '." I told him.

"Ugh, fine, Uncle _Remus_ then."

"It's just Remus."

And he stopped.

And he moved.

And he looked.

Sirius sat down in the chair to the right of me, his expression blank and his eyes hard. The only time I ever saw that look was when it came to crucial situations - when they found out I was a werewolf; deciding to become an animagus; being James' Best Man... Only when something important come up did he get that look.

"It's not _just_ Remus. You're Harry's Uncle, just as much as I am." Sirius told me, his voice low. "James and Lily have _never_ corrected me when I called you that - they've called you his Uncle too! You, me and James have been best friends since we were eleven. _Eleven_ , Remus! James only ever had his parents before Hogwarts - I rarely got to see him. We were his first friends, just like we were yours and you two were mine. The three of us are closer than friends - James actually calls us his brothers! So, yes, you _are_ Harry's Uncle. It may not be through blood, it may not be official, but you _are_ his Uncle."

I don't think anyone would have known how to reply to that.

* * *

It was strange. Having nothing to do, not having to worry about whether we would live to see tomorrow, just doing nothing... It had been years since we had the chance to relax and not stress out about what was coming next.

None of us knew what to do with ourselves and it had only been eleven days!

A lot of twenty one year olds were probably out getting drunk, having fun, not realising that people they may have known could have died. And all because one person wanted to decide how our society was run. It was a miracle that we had managed to put an end to the threat so quickly...

"Dumbledore wants the Order to meet tomorrow." Lily mused, walking into the living room as she read a letter. "He wants to check in with everyone, I guess."

"We'll should take Harry." James said, lifting Harry above his head. "Frank and Alice might bring Neville."

"I got word that Arthur and Molly will be there - they're bringing all six kids. Little Ron's Harry's age." Sirius told us. "Molly's close to popping again too."

"Maybe they'll finally have that little girl." I chuckled.

Though Arthur and Molly hadn't been part of the Order - technically - many of us still thought of them as members. The only reason they didn't join in the first place was because they had six kids already - what was going to happen if one of them got hurt? At least Lily and James had Sirius and I to look after Harry if something had gone wrong.

"I suppose it would be good for Harry to make some friends." Lily smiled, watching her husband and son. "At least he'll know a few people at Hogwarts."

"Can we please let the boy get to his first, birthday before there's talk of Hogwarts?" James laughed, turning to Harry as he continued to speak. "Next she'll be planning your wedding and how many kids you're going to have."

"I've already decided he's having, at least, two kids and the colours for his wedding are red and gold."

The fact Lily was so serious about it made it funnier, in my opinion. On the one hand, I could see this being a complete joke, something she was actually very good at doing - her pranks on James could rival those we played on the Slytherins. On the other hand, she could be completely serious... You could never tell with that woman.

It was a little strange sometimes, just thinking of how Lily and James used to be at school. Some thought they would never get together, they were too different. Surprisingly, they weren't as different as everyone thought. Lily could be just as conniving and childish, whilst James could be just as mature and responsible. They were words I would never thought I would associate with either of them, but it was true.

* * *

Sirius and I did end up leaving the three Potters in peace. We left sometime after lunch, letting them have some quite time - or as much as they could with an almost ten month old baby - before we were surrounded by the Order in the morning. We didn't live too far away, managing to get a house in Godric's Hollow, close enough to the edge of the village for the full moon. A wood was practically behind the house, which was perfect for my transformations, especially since we found a cave-like hideout deep enough to keep me away from innocent people. Every month, like clockwork, Sirius, James and I would make the journey out into the woods and one, or both, of them always had to carry me home.

It was a nice little place, similar to James' and Lily's. It was weird having our own rooms, especially after sharing one for our seven years at Hogwarts. Some nights, when we couldn't sleep, we would both go down into the living room and sit by the fire and talk, just like we did back at Hogwarts.

"I miss Hogwarts." I sighed to myself, hanging my jacket on a hook by the door.

"Really? You miss getting homework and dealing with Snivellus?" Sirius snorted, slinging his arm around my shoulders.

"I just miss how things used to be. Before the war. Back when things were alright."

Instead of arguing, because I knew he missed it too, Sirius just pulled me closer to his side as we walked further into our home.

The walls were covered in pictures from our time at Hogwarts. No picture had Peter in them, magic being our helping hand with that. It was somewhat sad that we had to do that, but it needed to be done... Peter wasn't, couldn't, be one of us anymore. No matter how much we wished differently. We had pictures from every year, from every stage of our friendship, from every summer shared. They were reminders of who we were, of how we had grown, of how we had become what we were. Whenever a full moon was near, whenever I had come back from a full moon, whenever I was feeling sad, all I had to do was look at the pictures and I felt... _right_. I had copies of every single photo and more, all of them placed in a scrap book, dated with a little comment underneath them, just so I could remember what was going on and how it felt.

I kept Peter in mine.

I needed that little reminder that he wasn't always bad. He wasn't always a coward. Once, he used to be one of my best friends, one of my first three friends. I needed to remember that. I needed to remember that he was once a good man.

"Maybe you could talk to Dumbledore, see if you can work there?" Sirius suggested. "He'd definitely give you a job at the school if you wanted it!"

"As much as I love the idea, I doubt parents would take kindly to a werewolf teaching their children." I sighed, smiling sadly. "Even if they don't know, there'll be about a week where I don't teach them each month, so someone will figure it out."

"One day, it'll happen! I can see it now - Professor R.J. Lupin teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts."

"It would be great if it did. That's practically my dream job."

Sirius grinned, moving his arm from around my shoulders so he could stand in front of me, hands placed on my arms. I hadn't seen his smile so wide since the day he turned sixteen, knowing he could legally get away from his ' _family_ '.

"It _will_ happen, Moons. I _know_ it will!" Sirius insisted. "Even if I have to beg the old man myself, you will teach at that school! You will be the best damn teacher they have and all the kids will love you. I can even be your assistant!"

"I would love that, Pads." I chuckled. "Thank you."

Sirius said nothing, just pulling me in for a hug before asking if I wanted a cuppa.

Even though I knew I would never be able to teach at Hogwarts, it was something I had dreamed of doing. Ever since our first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, ever since I first helped the guys with the homework set for us from that lesson, that's all I could think about. All I aspired to be.

I was nice to dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think Harry's Marauder name should be?
> 
> JUST SO YOU KNOW: I will be slow at updating - I have other multi-chapters I'm writing and some take longer to write than others, so I won't be as regular as I or you want :( I'm sorry, but I'll try my best!


	3. Chapter 3

** Remus **

Over the next few weeks, we had all developed a sort of pattern. Sirius and I would spend Monday to Wednesday with James and Lily one week, spending the rest at home - the next week, it would be Monday to Wednesday at home and Thursday to Sunday with James and Lily. Well, it wasn't _always_ like that, but that was the rough schedule - not that we actually had one... It just gave us all that sense of normality, giving us something to follow now the war was over.

It was hard, trying to accustom ourselves to normal - as normal as it can be for those of the wizarding world - life. We had to remember that it was safe for Harry to go outside. We had to remind ourselves that it was now, a little, safer to go out at night. We had to remind ourselves that the threat was gone. After years of worrying about this one thing and knowing what it could do to us all... Well, it's a little difficult to adjust.

We were all just glad Harry had no idea what had happened - what _could_ have happened.

It was strange, thinking about the _what if's_. I mean, anything could have happened! Anyone of us could have been shot down as we fought; Voldemort could have succeeded into getting to Harry... Who knew what could have happened?!

That thought played on my mind a lot through the battle. It made me think over the last things I said to those I care about. I made sure to end every conversation, with my parents, with an ' _I love you_ '. I made sure my friends knew just how much they meant to me.

The one thing I couldn't do - _obviously_ \- was tell Sirius I loved him.

It wasn't that I didn't want to. Ok, maybe it was a little bit of that... But could you blame me? We had been friends for, almost, ten years - was it so bad that I was worried about damaging that?

There was too many _what if's_ for me to say anything to him.

* * *

Harry's first birthday came quickly, the days just flying past. Lily was running around the house, making sure everything was ready and everything was perfect - James just chuckled quietly, staying silent. It was a smart move, I suppose - Lily was known to get a little snappy if someone got in her way.

Of course, being only one, Harry had no idea what was going on. He just sat on the floor and watched as his mother ran around, bashing his toys on the ground. Sirius and James had both been banished to watch Harry - and listen out for the party guests - as Lily dragged me around the house to finish decorating. Apparently, I was the only one she could trust with such a task. Honestly, it's because I didn't make jokes every five seconds, or suck in the helium from the balloons to sing musical theatre songs - I had told her it was a bad idea, but no, the boys _had_ to understand what we were talking about...

"So, you told him yet?" Lily asked, casually.

Making me help decorate was, also, a way to talk to me about Sirius - without them overhearing.

"No, I haven't." I sighed, pinning another balloon to the wall. "And you knew I hadn't."

"I was hoping to be proven wrong for once." Lily shrugged. "Do you want me to tell-"

" _NO_!"

As I yelled, the chair I was standing on wobbled - yes, _chair_ , we weren't using magic this time - the balloon falling to the ground again. The yell, of course, attracted James and Sirius, the two of them popping their head around the corner of the door. Well, I assumed that had happened - I didn't know they were there until James said something, the unexpected sound jolting me.

The chair wobbled again. Of course, when you're balancing on the edge of a chair, it's far more likely for you to fall off... Which I almost did. It was lucky that Sirius was fast – he steadied the chair, his arm wrapping around my hips to keep me from falling off.

"How can you be this clumsy?" he grinned, not even trying to keep the teasing tone out of his voice.

"It's a talent." I muttered, looking away from him as I tried to get down.

Rolling his eyes, Sirius looked at the balloon that Lily had now picked up, asking why we couldn't just use magic for, what felt like, the hundredth time. Lily gave the same answer she had been giving all day -

"Because!" she glared. "This is Harry's _first_ birthday! It _has_ to be done _properly_!"

Rolling his eyes, grabbing the balloon in his left hand.

"Fine, hold on." he sighed, moving slightly before he wrapped his right arm around my legs, in the crease of my knees.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?!" I screeched, trying to grab his shoulders and push him away.

Of course, Sirius being stronger, managed to lift me up slightly, using his free hand to pass me the balloon. Instead of taking it from him, I clung to the doorframe near me, my knuckles turning white from how tight I was griping it.

"It's ok. I would never let you fall." I heard Sirius say, the arm around my legs tightening their hold.

It took a few moments of his saying this for me to reach down with one hand and grab the balloon, slowly moving it towards its intended place. I had never been good with trust - they all knew this. Even when I trusted someone, there would also be certain things that would make me uncomfortable or nervous with them – like this. I hated not being able to fully trust people – my friends, even my family – but I suppose that was life...

After a few shaky tries, I managed to pin the balloon to the wall, returning my grip to the doorframe as Sirius started to lower my feet back down to the chair.

Everything was fine until Sirius let me go – I went to stop off the chair, but it wobbled yet again and tipped before I could steady it. True to his words, however, Derek didn't let me fall – well, lie, I did fall, but I fell _on_ him. The motion propelled Sirius backwards until he was on his back on the floor, me on top of him – of course, as soon as I tried to get up, not realising we were tangled together, we were sent rolling, this time with me on the floor and Sirius above me.

Sirius kept himself propped up so he didn't fall on me, his hair hanging straight down and covering the sides of both of our faces.

We just stared at each other, eyes wide as we tried to take in what had happened.

As soon as I realised, I slid out from underneath him as quickly as I could, scrambling to my feet. I tried to find some excuse as I brushed myself down - I was saved by a knock on the door.

* * *

It didn't take long until the house was filled with kids and adults alike.

Of course we had the entire Order - including Dumbledore and even McGonagall! Alice and Frank had turned up with little Neville - he had only turned one the day before Harry. Even Molly and Arthur had showed up with the kids - since she was eleven days off of her due date, we hadn't been sure if they would make it.

It was nice watching the older kids interact with the babies. Bill, being the oldest at ten - almost eleven - ended up keeping watch as everyone played, making sure that his siblings remembered to share and such. Charlie, being eight - almost nine - was almost like his second in command, though he was more interested in his toy dragon... Percy - four, almost five - didn't seem all too interested in playing, opting to sit on the sofa and flick through one of his picture books. Fred and George - the three year old, dynamic duo - they decided it would be fun to just run around the house, only stopping to spend some time with the three one year olds... Of course, they never stayed there long. Lastly, the babies - Ron, Neville and Harry - they sat there, laughing and babbling away to each other as they watched their enchanted - thanks to Arthur, Frank and James - toys fly around them.

It was sweet - bittersweet.

I had always loved the idea of having kids of my own - being around Harry so much only cemented that. Watching all eight children playing with each other just made it even better! But I would never want to run the risk of cursing any child I had with being a werewolf! I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

So there was a problem, wasn't there?

But it was fine - it wasn't like there was anyone in my life at that moment, besides, anyone that did end up dating me down the line would run for the hills when they found out my...' _furry little problem_ '. It didn't matter... I was content with being ' _Uncle_ ' Remus...

Sighing slightly, I left the living room where everyone was gathered, heading towards the kitchen to grab another cup of tea. Even though I could still hear the noise through the open door, it was still quiet in the kitchen, the only sound coming from the kettle as it boiled. I leant against the counter, folding my arms on top of it as I dropped my chin to my chest, closing my eyes as I just breathed.

As I stared at the fraying sleeves of my oversized jumper, I tried to push out the thought that I really needed a job! That was another thing I had always loved the idea of! But who, in the wizarding world, would hire me? They would figure out what I was after two months! I couldn't get a muggle job either - I had no qualifications! There was nowhere for me to go in the world, nothing for me to do.

"Maybe I should start my own business." I muttered to myself, pushing up as the kettle settled down.

As I started fixing up my tea - black, two sugars - I heard someone walk into the kitchen, their shoes clicking slightly on the tiled floor. I thought it would be Lily or Sirius, maybe even James or Molly or Frank... I didn't expect to find McGonagall standing by the table, a cup cradled in her hands.

"Good afternoon, Professor." I smiled, nodding to her.

"Oh, Mr Lupin, it's been three years!" she sighed, a faint smile on her face. "Just call me Minerva."

 _Minerva_ was one of those teachers that you knew you just couldn't piss off, even if it seemed like she was. Some students at Hogwarts, even some teachers, would say she had hated us Marauders... If they knew anything, anything at all, they would have realised that was not the case. She had been the reason James, Sirius and Peter knew how to become Animagi - though, if anyone asked, that was _not_ how it happened. She was the reason all of our ' _punishments_ ' for our pranks were so light - secretly, she loved them, even making a few quiet comments on how to improve... She was the reason why James or Sirius never got a detention before, after or during the full moon cycle for not doing their homework - she knew that they either: didn't have time because they were helping me, or put my name on theirs even though she knew their handwriting. In a way, she was more of our groups mother. It was a nice thought, actually - especially since she had no children of her own.

"Then shouldn't _you_ call _me_ Remus?" I grinned.

"I suppose, if that makes you happy." she chuckled. "Mr Black was telling me of your interest in teaching."

Of course he did...

"You know, we _are_ looking for a _competent_ Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Minerva mused. "Out of everyone that has applied, you _are_ the most qualified - the most experienced, the most passionate."

"I didn't apply." I sighed. "And it would never work out."

"Poppycock! Albus and I have had you in mind since halfway through your first year! We just didn't know if you wanted it."

"As much as I would love it, the full moon makes it a problem. How do you think people would react to hearing their children were being taught by a monster?"

McGonagall placed her cup down on the table, folding her arms as he cocked an eyebrow. She gave me _that look_ , the look she would give Sirius when he was being particularly irritating, or James when he was being rather obnoxious... I had never had _that look_ aimed at me before...

"Remus, you are hardly a monster, nor will you _ever_ be a monster. I don't see how you could believe yourself to be one for even a second!" she scolded. "Times and views are forever changing - people know werewolves helped us during the war. And not just werewolves! We had a lot of help from many creatures people deemed monsters. Their views are changing - you could help them see this!"

I could see the truth in McGonagall's eyes, see how she truly believed this was the case. But how did I know?

"Albus will be discussing this with you, at any rate. You won't need any extra training, you don't even have to start this year. But if it's something you want, _take it_." she continued. "Grab it by the hand and don't let go!"

* * *

After the guests had left and Harry had been put to bed, all of his toys and presents packed away, we all pitched in to clean up. Lily and James had refused to let Sirius and I leave, saying how we - just like they - were too tired. So we were all cleaning, hoping to get the mess sorted before we went to bed.

As I cleaned the living room with Sirius, I noticed how he kept glancing at me out of the corner of his eyes, biting his lip slightly - something he did when he was worried about my reaction. I knew he was waiting for me to chew him out, to tell him off about talking to McGonagall. But, the truth was, I wasn't mad...

"You can relax, Pads." I smiled, tiredly. "You're not in trouble."

"I'm not?" he frowned, head tilted to the side.

"No. I'm too tired to tell you off and I had a feeling you would say something to them - I just didn't expect it to be today."

I watched as Sirius' shoulders relaxed, his entire body deflating - like some massive burden had been lifted off of him.

"So... What's happening about it?" he asked, cautiously.

Standing up from where I had been picking up wrapping paper, throwing it into a bin bag, I perched on the edge of the coffee table, watching Sirius - _not his arse_ \- as he shut the door to the cupboard under the stairs.

"Dumbledore's going to Owl me, see when we're both free for a meeting." I told him.

"That's great!" Sirius grinned, bounding over to lean against the back of the sofa.

"It's just to talk, Pads. _Talk_. It doesn't mean I'm taking the job. It doesn't mean I'm going to be teaching in September. Just to _talk_."

"But still, it's great! I _told_ you he would give you a job!"

Sirius' grin was infectious, my lips curling up at the sides on their own. It was amazing how this man could be so puppy like! Though, I suppose, that's why his Animagus was just so _him_.

"I'm going to take you up on the offer of being my assistant, if I do take it. I'll make sure that's one of my conditions!" I warned him, still grinning. "You can take over during the day of the full moons."

"Gladly! I need a job anyway - why not work with my best buddy?" Sirius winked, jumping over the back of the sofa to sit on it.

"I thought James was your best buddy?"

"Nah, he's my second cousin - we're just close. _You_ , my dear Moony, are my best friend!"

And whilst that hurt a little, it still sent a warm sensation through me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT, BUT I'VE JUST STARTED UNIVERSITY!

**Chapter 4**

** Remus **

The morning after Harry's birthday, an owl was sitting patiently on the window ledge, outside the spare room I used at James and Lily's. It was a barn owl - a mix of white, with light and burnt brown, slight hints of what looked to be orange. It was a beautiful bird, rather elegant.

My own owl - a tawny owl I named Cyrus - was a little rough around the edges. Don't get me wrong, I loved him! He had become a good friend of mine over the years... But that didn't mean I couldn't appreciate the beauty of other owls.

Rubbing, tiredly, at my eyes, I walked over to the window, pushing it open just enough for the barn owl to slip inside. It wasn't until then that I spotted the letter firmly grasped in its beak. I couldn't fathom just who it could be from - my parents usually called me, always knowing that I would be with James and Lily if I never answered. My parents very rarely sent me an Owl. Well, _dad_ very rarely sent me an Owl, mum never did. Even after being with my father for twenty two years, my mother still hadn't grasped the wizarding ways of communication.

So, the question was - who had sent me this letter?

The owl flew back out the window, the moment it had dropped the letter into my hand. For a moment, I wondered how many Muggles would notice the bird, questioning why it was out so early in the day. I mean, it wasn't normal to see an owl in broad daylight...

The envelop had a soft yellow tint to it, the paper rough as I held it. There was this strange oaky scent to it, something I could never get over anytime I received an Owl. It was just something about letters by owls that seemed to have that certain smell... My name and the Potter's address was neatly written, the font reminding me of calligraphy, almost.

_That was fast..._

The handwriting was one I had become _extremely_ familiar with over the years. Of course I would. Through school to the order, I had seen this handwriting many times before.

"It's too early for this." I sighed, running a hand over my face.

When Dumbledore said he'd be in touch with me, I never thought he meant the very next day! No one would think the very next day.

* * *

By the time I left the room, heading downstairs, everyone was already awake and moving around. Well, they would be, considering it was close to lunch. The moment I reached the bottom of the stairs, I noticed how the other three seemed to relax. I knew I stayed upstairs longer than I probably needed to. I mean, how long did it take to read and respond to a letter?

Well, given the subject matter, I think I spent a decent amount of time on it.

Dumbledore had reviewed a lot of what McGonagall had said - they were looking for a competent Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, they thought that was me, he said the job was always open to me. He told me I didn't have to start this year but, if it was something I would be interested in, then the job was mine. Dumbledore had asked when I was free, just so we could set up a meeting - I could ask any questions regarding the position; he could explain things in a bit more detail...

The truth was, of course I wanted the job! I loved the idea of being a teacher - tutoring other students, during my time at Hogwarts, had proved that to me. Defence Against the Dark Arts was the subject I had excelled in, always at the top of my class with no exceptions. _Of course I wanted the job_. But, still, that didn't change what I was. It didn't change how people viewed those like me. Yes, times were changing. Yes, others that had been discriminated against had helped during the war. Yes, people knew that and opinions were changing.

That didn't mean there would not be an uproar if parents found out about me. They would probably pull their kids out of Hogwarts. They would push for me to lose my job. I would be subjected to more hate and discrimination. Something I could live without.

Lying to say I was visiting my ill mother, for a week every month, only got me so far.

In the end, I had agreed to a meeting. After everything the man had done for me, I owed him at least that. He had done so much to help me - he had let me into Hogwarts, he gave me somewhere to stay during the full moons... Dumbledore was the reason I had met Lily, James and Sirius. He made it possible for me to have friends, to have a life. He gave me back what little I had left of my childhood.

"There you are!" Lily sighed. "Thought you were going to sleep the day away."

"You should know me better than that." I smiled. "I just had some things to take care of."

They didn't question it.

I suppose, with the full moon in only two weeks, they assumed it was for that - James and Lily, anyway. I think Sirius was the only one who thought and knew otherwise. I think he could tell. He had always been like that, being able to read me. It was like he was in my head.

As James and Lily shrugged it off, the two went over to Harry, the boy playing on the floor not too far away. Sirius veered off, headed straight for me, as I walked towards the kitchen.

Sirius didn't speak until I had a sip of my tea, leaning in the doorway as he waited.

"What did you say?" he asked, barely containing the hopeful note his voice contained.

"I agreed to meet him." I admitted. "But it's just to _talk_ , Sirius. He's going to tell me more, I'm going to ask questions - nothing else."

Pushing off the doorframe, Sirius moved until he was in front of me, blocking me from escaping. No matter what I did, he would catch me - he was far faster than I was. He looked a little...sad. He was biting the inside of his lip, his shoulders drooping slightly. It was still an odd thing to see, even after all these years.

"I know you think it's a bad idea. I know you think people will find out and the worst will happen." he sighed. "But it'll make you _happy_ , Remus. You deserve to be happy. I saw - no one thought I did, but I saw. I saw how happy it made you, sitting in those lessons or trying to find a different way to teach it to James... This job was _made_ for you."

I had never, in all my years of knowing him, heard Sirius speak so, well, _seriously_ \- excuse the pun. Through everything, even the most grave moments, there always seemed to be this mischievous little glint in his eyes. It was who he was! For the first time, it wasn't there. It was unnerving, that was for sure...

"If you want it, take it. Like you said, it doesn't even _have_ to be this year!" Sirius continued. "You could leave it a year or two, get yourself sorted and in the mindset. Get yourself ready. I already know you'd be a bloody fantastic Professor. Hell, you taught me more than any of those crackpots could! Those kids would be lucky to have you, Remus."

He didn't even let me reply. He just hugged me.

* * *

Lily had just taken Harry up to bed when it happened.

James, Sirius and I were setting up for a ' _movie night_ ' - basically, a night where Lily and I introduced the boys to the wonders of Muggle entertainment. It was interesting, that was for sure.

Tonight, it was a horror movie. I had picked up one, only seeing the cover before I threw it onto the sofa as fast as I could, not even thinking about my reaction. I realised my mistake the moment James and Sirius turned to me, questions burning in their eyes.

"It gave me nightmares when I was younger." I blushed. "I know it's fake, it even looks fake now, but I was terrified back them."

The two of them just laughed.

"Hey, laughing isn't nice!" I scolded.

That was when it happened.

**_FLASHBACK - Sunday, February 29th 1976 - Middle of Fifth Year_ **

_It was late. We should have been asleep._

_Peter was._

_James and Sirius had decided, yet again, to leave their homework to the last minute, meaning I had to stay up and help them - I refused to do it for them! Of course they were grateful, they always were. It would just be nice if they had done it on time._

_The three of us had only just got upstairs - Sirius flopped onto his bed, ready for sleep; James sat on the edge of his, just sitting for a moment; I took the care to put my things away, before heading to bed. We hadn't been up there long, only a couple of minutes that gave us all enough time to change, when Peter woke with a sharp cry._

_The boy was shaking, a light sheen of sweat pulling his hair against his face. He was scared._

_"Hey, Peter, what's wrong?" I asked, walking over to the side of his bed._

_"...Nightmares." he whispered, eyes filling with tears._

_Sirius and James, both of whom had jumped up and Peter's yell, dissolved into fits of giggles, Sirius even falling back onto his bed._

_"That's not funny!" I hissed over my shoulder, my fists balling loosely._

_Peter already had a hard time. People weren't always kind to him... Even after these few years. He needed at least one friend he could count on._

_"It's ok, Remus." he sighed, smiling shakily. "I-I think I'll change into a rat. They don't have dreams."_

_It hurt me, really. I knew what it was like to be plagued by dreams, to be haunted and terrified by something. I knew what it was like to wake up, in the middle of the night, just wanting someone to reach out and hug me. Yet, here Peter was, trying to put on a brave face because two of his best friends were being arseholes._

_I didn't have a chance to say anything before he switched, the rat wriggling out from under his pyjamas._

_Now, I've never liked rats. There was just something about them that I hated... Peter's animagus form, however, didn't have that affect on me. I thought, maybe, it was because I knew it was Peter - I didn't know. But, Peter as a rat, I could handle. I like rat-Peter._

_Smiling a little, I lifted the rat up, cradling him close so I didn't drop him. I carried him over to my own bed, placing him on one side, wrapping a thin blanket around him gently. Even if rats didn't dream, I wasn't going to leave my friend alone when he was frightened!_

_"Goodnight, Peter." I whispered, climbing into bed myself and switching off the light._

_All I heard back was a small squeak._

**_END OF FLASHBACK -_ ** **Back to: Saturday, August 1st 1981**

It was the first time it had happened.

I had done well, not really thinking of Peter much. At that moment, everything was still a little too raw. I know, it had been close to three months, but it still hurt - thinking of him meant thinking of his betrayal.

Thinking of him meant thinking of the past.

He had been such a nice guy, a good friend... I just couldn't understand what had happened to him! What had happened to make him turn against us all? What had they done to sweet boy we had all known?

Peter had been one of my first friends, he had been there through everything. He had, illegally, become an Animagus for me, along with James and Sirius! He hadn't judged me. I thought, for sure, he was one of the good guys. I never once thought he was working for the other side.

It hurt.

It hurt, knowing that that trust I had placed in him had been thrown away. It hurt, knowing someone I had trusted could hurt us so badly. But it didn't make sense. I just couldn't understand how he could have changed so suddenly.

I couldn't understand.

* * *

Even after everyone had gone to bed, I could still be found by the fire place. I just sat there, staring into the flames, just dragging myself deeper into the angst filled hole I had created. I tried to pinpoint the moment, tried to figure out the place where it had all gone wrong. Tried to find when Peter had changed.

No matter how much I thought, I just couldn't find it.

It made me think - was he involved from the beginning? Did it have something to do with his family? Was that the reason he would have nightmares? There were too many questions and not enough answers.

I would never get my answers, I knew that, yet I still could help but question.

I couldn't say how long I sat there for. All I knew was that, after a long while, a blanket was draped around my shoulders. I looked up, only to find a cup being lowered in front of my face, carefully - _hot chocolate_.

Sirius was the only one that knew to give me that when I couldn't sleep.

"Everything will be alright, in the end." he told me, sliding down to sit next to me. "Everything will be just fine."

"How do you know?" I asked, leaning my head onto his shoulder.

"I just do. It has to."

His logic never failed to make my lips twitch, even just a little. Sirius was just one of those people, you know?

"Have I ever told you what happened in Forth Year? With James and his broomstick?" Sirius asked.

"No, James always stopped you before you could say anything." I shook my head, shuffling a little closer to the man next to me.

Sirius' arm wrapped around my shoulders, leaning the two of us back until we rested against the front of the sofa. His fingers brushed lightly against my arm, moving back and forth slowly, rhythmically.

"Well, you're in for a treat, my dear Moony." he chuckled.

Thinking about it, yes, it did hurt that Peter betrayed us.

Yes, it did hurt that I placed my trust in someone who would abuse it.

But, I realised, I had people, better people, in my life.

I had people who cared for me, who would never betray me. Just as I would never betray them.

I had people I could turn to, people who would never abuse the trust I placed in them.

As much as it hurt, I didn't need Peter as my friend. Not as much as he needed me. I had my friends, I had my family. They were all I needed. Not a backstabber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT, BUT I'VE JUST STARTED UNIVERSITY!
> 
> Please, please review XD
> 
> Thanks a lot XD


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

** Remus **

August 10th was my meeting with Dumbledore. Not the best time to do it, considering there was only five days until the full moon... It was better than doing it _after_ the moon.

It was... _amazing_ , being back in the halls of Hogwarts. Seeing the house colours, conversing with the ghosts and the pictures. Being back somewhere that reminded me of a better time, when we only had to worry about homework.

What I wouldn't give to be eleven again, waiting to attend Hogwarts! Of course, my friends would have be eleven again too - I wouldn't want to repeat Hogwarts without them.

We had so many memories with Hogwarts - from our first meeting on the train, right until our last day. From food fights in the Great Hall, to watching James and Sirius in Quidditch matches. From celebrating big birthdays, to Christmas' to Halloweens... Laughing, smiling, anger and crying - we had been with each other through it all.

I had so much to thank Hogwarts for.

**_FLASHBACK: Wednesday, September 1st 1971 - SIRIUS' POV_ **

_The Hogwarts Express -_ finally _!_

 _I had waited_ years _to get away from the people I had to call my family; waited almost_ 12 years _to get away from them and live my life! I hated their values, I hated how they spoke and treated people they classed as '_ lower _' than them..._

_I hated that their views stopped me from being with the better part of my family._

_But it was fine, I was away from them! Which meant I was able to see one specific family member. I was going to see him everyday - we could screw with as many people as we could! I just had to find him first..._

"OI! BLACK!" _a voice yelled from behind me, as I walked down the train._

Well, finding him hadn't been as hard as I first thought..."

_"JAMES!" I grinned, running to him._ _"How's my favourite second cousin?"_

" _I'm your_ only _second cousin." James laughed. "But, I'm good. How does it feel to be away from the family from hell?"_

" _I don't want the summer to come! I want to stay as far away from them as possible."_

" _Don't blame you there, mate."_

_James had only ever been to my house once. I don't know how it came about, the two of us only three at the time... All I knew was that it had ended in screaming, shouting and jinxes being thrown at the adults._

_The only other times we saw each other was at parties, places our families_ _had_ _to get along. It was nearly_ _not_ _enough._

" _How'd your Mum take you leaving?" I asked, shaking my head to clear it_

_James groaned, pouting slightly. He loved his mother, he loved both of his parents - who wouldn't, they were great - don't take his reaction wrong... His mother was just a_ _tad_ _protective and attached. I mean, she was a stay at home mum, she was with James twenty-four-seven since they day he was born!_

" _She started crying and wouldn't let me go, that's how." James complained. "Dad had to rip her off me!"_

" _Next time that happens, make sure I'm around." I grinned._

" _No! Why would I do that?"_

" _Oh, don't be such a girl, Jamie."_

" _You're the girl! Your hair's longer than mine."_

" _Oh, shut it, mama's boy!"_

_It was safe to say that I only had seconds to start running._

_**(Small time skip)** _

_Thankfully, I was faster than James. And, you know, with there being a lot of people on the train, it made it that much harder for James to catch me._

_I ran as fast as I could, glancing into each and every compartment, looking for one that I could slip into. One that, preferably, had next to no one in there._

_Looks like I'm running to the back of the train._

_It didn't take long before I came across a compartment. There was one person inside, sat by himself. Probably a first year like me. I raced into the compartment, slamming the door behind me, causing the boy sitting by the window to jump._

" _Sorry about that; running from my cousin." I laughed, panting._

_I collapsed into the seat opposite the boy, taking note of his appearance. He was pale and peaky, with light brown hair – slightly longer and thicker than James'. His eyes were a mix of blue, green and brown, I couldn't tell which colour was more dominant._

_And how could I forget the scars._

_There was one going through his left eyebrow, one on his right cheek and another on his left – lower down –, a smaller one on the bridge of his nose, and another small one underneath the right side of his lip. I couldn't see if he had any others because of his clothes, but I wouldn't be surprised._

" _Sorry, I should introduce myself." I smiled, putting out my hand. "I'm Sirius. Sirius Black."_

" _Greek, meaning Dog Star." the boy replied, quietly while blushing, his voice hoarse, shaking my hand. "The Dog Star also known as alpha Canis Majoris, which is the brightest star, named after the Egyptian God, Osiris."_

" _Yeah! How did you know that?! No one knows that!"_

" _I read a lot."_

" _Cool. What's your name? Are you a First Year like me?"_

_The boy placed the book he was reading – huh, didn't notice that – down on the seat beside him. His hands, like his face, were scared as well. I caught a glimpse at his wrist, a vertical cut starting from his wrist, disappearing underneath his brown hoodie._

" _I'm Remus Lupin, First Year." he told me. "Some people pronounce it Ray-mus like the Americans do; some pronounce it Ree-mus like the English. But I answer to both."_

" _Fair enough." I grinned. "Can you tell me something cool about your name? Like you did with mine?"_

" _Um... Well, my name is Latin and has no immediate meaning. Though in Latin, Remus is what they call an oar, an oar being what you row a boat with. Remus is also the name of one of the mythical twins who founded Rome."_

" _Mythical?"_

" _Yeah. Like a fairy-tale, legendary."_

_I nodded._

" _How do you know all this?" I asked, amazed that someone my age knew all this._

" _I read a lot. Plus my dad likes things to do with history, so he likes to get me involved sometimes. It's quite fascinating really; I love the books he finds." Remus replied, grinning, rushing a little, before bushing and going quiet. "Sorry, I get a little excited sometimes."_

" _It's fine. You know, I think you and I will be good friends, mate."_

" _Friends?"_

" _Yeah. Friends."_

_Remus grinned, widely, still blushing._

_Yeah, we'd be great friends._

_**(Small time skip)** _

_By the time James found me, Remus and I were practically best friends. I had him smiling and laughing, talking to me as if we had known each other for years._

_It was amazing what could happen when someone felt comfortable._

_Of course, the moment James ran in, looking like he was about to murder me, it kind of knocked Remus back a bit._

_"Where the_ _hell_ _have you been?!" James snarled. "I've been running around this train like a crazy person!"_

_Coughing to try and hide my laughter, I turned back to Remus._

_"Rem, meet my second cousin James Potter; Jamie, meet our new friend Remus Lupin." I grinned. "Rem, do the thing!"_

_"_ _Derived from the Hebrew name Jacob. It means '_ supplanter _',_ _one who follows." Remus said, smiling again. "In the 17th century the Scottish King_ _James_ _VI inherited the English throne, becoming the first ruler of all Britain, and the name became much more popular."_

_"Holy crap..." James whispered._

_With the murderous look on his face gone, James sat next to me._

_"Awesome, right?!" I laughed. "Remus knows all kinds of cool things - he's super smart!"_

_"Wicked!" James grinned._

_**(Small time skip)** _

_The train had only been moving for, about, half an hour when the door to the compartment opened again. Another boy, most likely another first year, had popped his head around the side - he had mousy brown hair, blue eyes and a light complexion._

_The jumper he wore was far too big, the sleeves hanging down over his hands. As he looked round at the three of us, he played with one of the frayed edges, biting his lip._

_"C-Can I sit with you guys?" he squeaked. "Th-There's no room anywhere else."_

_"Sure! The more the merrier!" I grinned._

_"You're Pettigrew, right?" James asked. "Peter Pettigrew? You've come to some of my parents' parties."_

_The boy nodded, shuffling in quickly, closing the door behind him before perching on the seat next to Remus._

_"Yeah, that's me." he said. "You're James Potter, right? I'm terrible with names..."_

_"No, you're right, mate!" James chuckled. "This here's Sirius Black, a relation of mine - I think you met at my Mum and Dad's Christmas party last year; that's Remus Lupin, a new friend."_

_"Rem, do you know anything about Peter's name?" I asked._

_All Remus had to do was nod. As soon as he had, James and I were begging him to tell us - even Peter seemed interested!_

_"_ _Derived from the Greek_ _Petros,_ _meaning stone. The translation used in most versions of the New Testament, of the Bible, of the name_ _Cephas_ _, meaning stone, in Aramaic, which was given to the apostle Simon by Jesus." Remus told us. "Simon Peter was the most prominent of the apostles during Jesus' ministry and is often considered the first pope. Due to the renown of the apostle, this name became common throughout the Christian world, in various spellings."_

_I thought he was going to stop there - there was already some things I didn't understand, which I assumed was because they were part of the Muggle world. However, there was more._

_"In England the Normans introduced it in the Old French form_ _Piers_ _, which was gradually replaced by the spelling_ _Peter_ _starting in the fifteenth century." he continued. "Besides the apostle, other saints by this name include the eleventh century reformer Saint Peter Damian and the thirteenth century preacher Saint Peter Martyr."_

_Again, some words and stuff I didn't understand, but it was amazing that someone could remember all of this!_

_"It was also borne by rulers of Aragon, Portugal, and Russia, including the Russian tsar Peter the Great, who defeated Sweden in the Great Northern War." Remus finished. "Fictional characters with the name Peter include: Peter Rabbit, from Beatrix Potter's children's books and Peter Pan, a boy who refused to grow up and went to this magical land."_

_It was an unspoken realisation that Remus was an absolute genius!_

**_END OF FLASHBACK - BACK TO: Monday, August 10th 1981 - REMUS' POV_ **

Hogwarts was how I found my friends...

* * *

Being in Dumbledore's office had brought back even more memories. I couldn't even begin to count how many times we had been sent to him for causing trouble - not that the man minded, he always seemed rather amused at our group's antics.

It was hard to concentrate on the actual reason for our meeting, when all I could do was reminisce.

By the end of the meeting, almost two hours after my arrival, Dumbledore and I had made our agreement. I had given him my answer and he had accepted it. No questions about why it had been my answer; no asking if I was sure. He just took my answer, letting me know I was free to look around the grounds before I felt the need to leave.

So I did and happily so.

This was how I found myself underneath _our_ tree - The Marauders' Tree.

During First Year, the boys and I had used our wands to carve our names into the bark, keeping them there for years to come. We had even added Lily's name, once she and James _finally_ got around to dating!

A lot had happened when we were at the tree - well, we had sat under it almost every day, so of course a lot would happen...

**_FLASHBACK: Wednesday, October 6th 1976 - SIRIUS' POV_ **

_James and Lily had only just started dating._

_The boy was so head over heels for the girl, it was a wonder how she never believed him! I mean, I was surprised_ James' _Animagus wasn't a dog!_

_It was sweet, though._

_James had calmed down a little, not so eager to impress - he only came off as arrogant and stupid, two things he really wasn't. And Lily saw that now. She saw just how nice a guy James could actually be._

_Especially when it came to his friends._

_It was a rather warm October morning, something you didn't expect, especially in the good old UK - not that I was complaining, it was better than rain! Peter, Lily, Remus and I had taken to sitting under the tree, waiting for James to meet us. See, James had been kept behind in Transfiguration and he had told us to go on ahead without him... He should have been out by now, but there was no sign of him._

_He took almost an hour to show up and, when he did, the sight wasn't pretty..._

_Blood was running down his face, from his nose and mouth. Dirt caked his hair and scratches littered his face and arms. Bruises seemed to be popping up everywhere on any visible skin; clothes ripped... He was a total mess!_

_I barely heard the exclamations of shock from Lily; Remus and I rushing forward to catch James as he started to teeter slightly._

_"Hospital Wing, now!" I said._

**(Small time skip)**

_James had passed out moments before we had gotten him to the Hospital Wing, waking up minutes after we had set him on the bed. He was disorientated and confused when he woke up, just how you expected him to be, but his memory was intact._

_"What the bloody hell happened to you?!" I demanded, glaring slightly._

_"I had a picnic with a unicorn." James groaned, sarcastically._

_When he tried sitting up, he yelped in pain - from what I didn't know and I wasn't sure if I wanted to... Lily was quick to help him, slowly helping him up, placing pillows behind us back to keep him there and comfortable. It was strange, seeing this girl that I had once perceived as unflappable so worried and unsure._

_"James... What happened?" Lily asked, timidly, her voice shaking slightly._

_Sighing, James stared down at the covers that lay across him, picking at the edges._

_"I heard some Slytherins talking shit." he shrugged, mumbling. "Gave them a talking to, they replied with their fists - it's no big deal."_

_"It is a big deal if you pass out on us!" Remus snarled - with his time of the month only two days away, he was a little short tempered... "For fuck sake, James, what were you thinking?!"_

_"What else am I supposed to do when some arseholes are badmouthing my friends?!"_

_It didn't take long for us to get it out of him - apparently, a couple of the Slytherins in our year, had some_ very _interesting things to say about Remus and I. Things that were too crude and disgustingly rude to repeat._

_Let's just say that, once James was fully healed, those guys faced the wrath of the Marauders - and then the staff at Hogwarts._

**_END OF FLASHBACK - BACK TO: Monday, August 10th 1981 - REMUS' POV_ **

That week had been rather action packed - quite literally. Dumbledore and McGonagall obviously knew that, the second time around, the fight was on the four of us, yet we were not disciplined. I supposed they somehow found out what the group had said about Sirius and I...

* * *

That afternoon, once I got home, Sirius practically tackled me the moment he saw me. Questions left right and centre about what had happened, what I had said... I barely had time to take my jacket off before I was being shepherded into the living room!

I was forced onto the sofa, a mug of hot chocolate placed in my hands, and an impatient Sirius Black bouncing in the seat next to me.

Honestly, he was such a puppy!

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" he whined. "What did you say?!"

Grinning, I placed the mug down, only to place both hands onto Sirius' shoulders to stop him from jumping. Not that it worked. Honestly, he was such an excitable child sometimes!

But I loved that about him...

"I took the job..." I told him. "But I'm starting _next_ September. I asked if we could have a year to prepare."

I was then, literally, tackled.

Of course, it was after the tackling that Sirius _really_ heard what I had said.

"Wait, ' _we_ '?" he asked, head cocking to the side.

"Yeah, _we_." I chuckled. "I'm pretty sure I remember you saying something about being my assistant?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

** Remus **

_"You're what?!"_

That was the reaction I received from Lily and James, when I told them about accepting the job offer from Dumbledore the next day. The job offer that they didn't know I _had_ been offered.

It wasn't an outraged outburst. It was a mix of surprise and complete elation. They loved the idea of me becoming a Professor. They loved the fact that, with me teaching, I would be able to sway the minds of many a young witch and wizard into knowing that, people like me, weren't all bad. That some of us were good.

There reaction to finding out Sirius was going to be my Teacher's Assistant? Well, James practically fell out of his chair, laughing.

"Really, Pads?" James giggled. "You could barely do the _homework_! What makes you think you could _teach_ it?"

"Piss off, Prongs." Sirius grumbled, folding his arms over his chest, pouting.

"I think it's a brilliant idea." Lily grinned. "Maybe you could help out with Quidditch as well."

Sirius' eyes brightened at the comment, but he still kept up his ' _I don't want to_ ' attitude. In all honesty, Sirius was just scared. He didn't know if he would be good enough for the job, he didn't know if he could do it. He didn't have faith in himself. Not like I had faith in him.

I had promised him that I would help him as much as I could. I would help him study, if it came down to that. I would tutor him, just like I did back at school. Besides, the children would know he was ' _in training_ '. They would know he was learning just as much as they were.

I was just hoping he would pay more attention than he did when we were at Hogwarts.

"We don't start until next year, so we've got some time to prepare. It's not like we'll be going into this blind." I told them. "We're in this together."

And it was true. We were. Yes, Sirius would take over when my Fury Little Problem reared its ugly head; yes, Sirius would take two weeks each month to teach the classes, just so the children didn't grow suspicious. But he wouldn't be _alone_. For one of those two weeks, I would be _in_ those classes with him, just in case he needed me. For that other week... Well, I was hoping he would fine on his own, or I could find someone to watch him for me - preferably McGonagall.

But he would be fine.

He just needed to _know_ he could do it.

* * *

With only three more weeks until September 3rd, I couldn't get the thought of Hogwarts out of my mind. Whilst I wished I could have taken the offer straight away and gone that year, I knew it just wasn't the right time. I needed to prepare myself.

Going back to the grounds, for my talk with Dumbledore, probably made it worse.

I had been _longing_ to go back to the castle; longing to just see it again. I had been longing to be eleven again, to start it over again with my friends. Going back just reminded me of everything that had happened - the good, the bad, the ugly. It reminded me that I would never experience those days again. It reminded me just how much we had all changed...

More often than not, I would find myself daydreaming about Hogwarts. Whether it was remembering a game Peter, Lily and I would watch of the boys, or even something as simple as falling asleep in bed, I would think about it if I could remember it.

**_FLASHBACK: Wednesday, November 15th 1972_ **

_There was only, about, five days until the full moon. I could already feel the wolf inside me starting to get restless, prowling around and waiting to jump. I hated it, I hate being this terrible thing. I just wanted to be normal!_

_I didn't want to worry about hurting my friends..._

_None of them knew. I still hadn't said anything to them. I didn't want them to abandon me, I didn't want to lose the only friends I ever had! Was that so wrong? Was that such a bad thing to do? Yes, it was bad that I kept telling them my Mum was ill and I was going home to visit her, but I couldn't think of anything else to tell them that wasn't the truth._

_What else was I supposed to do?!_

_I was sitting in bed, in the dark, hugging my pillow to my chest. I just couldn't sleep, I couldn't relax myself enough to sleep. Not that sleep would help. Almost every night I would see_ His _face. It was etched into my mind, burned into the back of my eyelids. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it out._

_Before the panic could set in, a lamp flicked to life._

_My head turned as fast as it could towards the light source, finding Sirius slowly sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes._

_"What are you doing up?" he yawned. "It's, like, one in the morning, Rem."_

_"Don't worry about it, just go back to sleep." I whispered._

_But he didn't. His eyes narrowed slightly, taking in my position. The last time he had found me like that, in the middle of the night, was in the middle of First Year, when some student or another had made a remark against me being a Half-Blood. I was up, crying, thinking there was something wrong with me... Sirius had crawled into my bed and hugged me. He told me it didn't matter what I was, all that mattered was_ who _I was. We had stayed up talking into the night, not falling asleep until_ way _after four in the morning. Thankfully, it had been a Saturday._

_So, yeah, Sirius didn't believe me._

_He slid himself out of bed, tapping Peter's shoulder and shoving James onto the floor, before crawling in next to me. The two other boys woke with a start, James more than Peter. James_ had _been about to start cursing up a storm, when he saw Sirius and me. A look of understanding dawned in his eyes, him and Peter coming over without argument, sitting at the end of my bed._

_"Is this about the full moon?" James asked, sleepily._

_"Wh-What? Wh-What makes you th-think that?" I stuttered, eyes wide._

_"We know you're a werewolf." Peter yawned. "We figured it out a couple of weeks ago."_

_My heart broke._

_My stomach sank._

_I couldn't stop the tears from dropping from my eyes._

_The one thing I didn't want them to know, the one thing I had wanted to keep a secret, and they had guessed it._

_"It wasn't hard to figure out when we really thought about it. You always seemed to disappear whenever it was a full moon." Sirius explained, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "But it's ok. We still like you and everything - you're the same old Remus to us. It doesn't matter what you are, remember?"_

_"Yeah. And it's not like you're a monster or anything. I mean, you fold you tie, for crying out loud." James agreed, smiling. "You're just Remus to us and you always will be. Werewolf or not."_

_"Besides, you're not bad or anything." Peter added. "If you were bad, you'd be mean. But you're not. You're the nicest guy in the world!"_

_I cried harder. I couldn't even stop long enough to talk! I ended up just grabbing them all in a hug, trying to explain to them through that just how grateful I was to them for their kind words._

_"We even thought of a way to help." Sirius said, gently. "We want to try become Animagi. That way, we can keep you company. You're not alone, Remus."_

**_END OF FLASHBACK - BACK TO: Tuesday, August 11th 1981_ **

That moment was a turning point for me. I finally realised I was no longer alone. I finally realised I had people fighting in my corner. It was one of the most amazing feelings.

Of course, then, I had to tell them all what had happened. I had told them, very quickly, that I was not born a werewolf, so they were all very interested as to how I became one. They let me take my time, though. They didn't push me for the information, they never did, never had. They always let me go to them.

I had told them how, in early 1965, Fenrir Greyback had been brought to the Ministry for questioning, following the deaths of two Muggle children, after he had, apparently, been caught with a werewolf pack. The Werewolf Registry was not maintained very well at this time, so no one knew he was actually a werewolf. Apparently, he had _insisted_ he was a Muggle tramp and every member of the ' _Questioning Committee_ ', apart from my Dad, Lyall Lupin, believed his story. Dad recognised the characteristic signs of lycanthropy in Greyback, he had even said as much to the committee! Dad even suggested they detain Greyback until the next full moon, which was the next day. But they all laughed. Dad had lost his temper, saying something along the lines of werewolves being ' _soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death_.' Dad was told to leave the room and Greyback was released. Greyback escaped, with the help of two accomplices, when a Ministry member was going to erase his memory of being brought in, since they still believed he was a Muggle... After that, we assumed he made a revenge plan for Dad, wanting to get him back for what he had said... That plan involved me. The night before my fifth birthday - so on March 9th 1965 - Greyback forced open my bedroom window, attacking me. Dad had heard me screaming and ran into my room, getting there just in time to, literally, save my life. He shot Greyback away from me with a number of powerful curses, but it was too late. I was left a werewolf.

Dad had blamed himself, even spiralling slightly into depression. It took months before Dad could be in the same room as me, even longer for him to even look at or talk to me. It was _torture_. At that age, I had no idea what was going on - I thought _I_ had done something wrong.

Mum knocked some sense into him though.

I didn't blame my Dad for what happened to me. I think, like many people, he had a very old fashioned opinion and didn't know people like me could be good. In a way, becoming a werewolf was almost a good thing. I mean, he no longer judged someone based on something they were - he got to know the person first.

Dad kept it a secret - of why I was attacked and who had done it. He was scared I would hate him, that I would blame him for everything. Honestly, I could never do that. After Mum had brought him back, he did everything he could to help me. He found me a place to go during the transformations; he would sit outside until morning; he would carry me home and get me anything I needed... He would sit with me for hours, telling me he loved me, that he was proud of me. He told me he was so lucky to have a son like me, to have a strong and kind-hearted child. He loved me unconditionally.

I _couldn't_ hate him.

I loved him.

* * *

Sirius found me sitting in the garden of Lily and James' house. I was on the back step, watching the sun set, slowly. I was always drawn to looking out at the sky as it got closer to the full moon, a habit I hadn't been able to kick in all my years of being a werewolf.

He sat next to me, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders, handing me another mug of tea. It was so weird how domesticated it all felt. It would have been nice, if there was an underlying meaning to it all, so the domesticated feeling didn't feel so strange. But, unfortunately, I knew that wasn't the case. Whilst Sirius loved me, it wasn't the way I wanted him to.

"What you thinking about this time?" he asked me, a slight note of amusement in his voice.

"Second Year. When you figured it out." I admitted.

Sirius just nodded, wrapping an arm around me, shifting a little closer to me. Instantly, I dropped my head onto his shoulder, not taking my eyes off of the setting sun.

"So much had happened since then." I said. "You and James _illegally_ became Animagi for me."

"Of course we did." Sirius told me. "I said we would."

"You never cease to amaze me, Sirius Black."

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Good. Definitely good."

Laughing slightly, I shuffled a little closer into Sirius' side, the wind a little chillier than either of us would have liked. But I couldn't bring myself to move. I didn't want to leave that moment until I absolutely had to. I didn't care how long that would take, I just wanted to stay in that moment.

I just felt so calm.

I just felt so peaceful.

I wanted to soak it up for as long as I possibly could, until it would all be broken with howls and scars and blood. I hated those moments. I hated my friends having to deal with me like that, having to take care of me, especially since James and Lily had Harry to think about. They didn't need to worry about me on top of everything else!

I wished that there was a way for me to control the beast. To control when he made an appearance and when he didn't. I wished that I could keep my cool during the full moon cycle! I mean, soon, there would be a day when more birthdays or another Christmas landed on a full moon. We would have to explain to Harry why I couldn't be there, or why I couldn't stay for too long.

I refused to put that little boy at risk. I refused to put him in danger! He was to be protected, even if that meant being kept away from me for a week or two.

"Hey, stop being angsty." Sirius admonished, poking me in the side, gently.

I couldn't help but laugh.

Somehow, Sirius always knew what was going through my head. He always seemed to know when I was doubting myself or having second thoughts about something. It was like he had this internal sensor, telling him when he needed to interfere because I was dragging myself deeper into the angst of my mind. It was absolutely uncanny!

James had even commented on it during our OWLs.

I had been so stressed, doubting whether or not I could actually do it. I was completely freaking out and, immediately, Sirius climbed onto my bed and sat behind me. He pulled me back against his chest, handed me a bard of chocolate and just hugged me for a solid five minutes. He refused to let go, refused to let me continue studying, saying that I needed to take a break. James had laughed, saying that we much have been psychically linked, or something, since Sirius always came running when something was wrong with me. Sirius paid no mind to it, just writing it off as James being James. It was, literally, minutes after that that Sirius had ended up massaging my neck and shoulders until I fell asleep against him, half a chocolate bar dangling in my hand. He had ended up clearing my bed of all my books, tucking me into bed.

Sirius had always done things like that for me. He had always taken care of me. He always made sure I was eating and drinking plenty; he always made sure I was relaxed and well rested. He was the one that would sit with me and just talk about anything, no matter what mood either of us were in.

Sirius was, in short, perfect. Well, he was in my eyes, anyway - perfectly imperfect.

"Things really are starting to look up, aren't they?" Sirius mused, turning his face up to the sky. "Everything seems to be working out."

"You're certainly right there." I sighed. "I just hope it stays like that."

"It will. And, if it doesn't, it will always come back around."

* * *

I couldn't sleep that night. I just lay awake in bed, at mine and Sirius' home. I had been tossing and turning since the moment I had shut off my lamp, trying to find a comfortable position to lay in.

It was frustrating.

All I wanted to do was _sleep_!

I was about to give up, about to throw off my duvet and go downstairs, when there was a soft knock at my door.

I already knew who it was.

"You don't have to knock, Sirius." I sighed, smiling slightly.

The door opened, quietly, closing only a few seconds later. I didn't have to wait longer before my bed dipped slightly, a warm arm finding its way around me, holding me tight.

"I told you already, if you can't sleep, come to my room." Sirius grumbled, pulling me closer into his chest.

I was asleep before he had settled.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

** Remus **

Saturday, August 14th. Day one, of three, of the full moon cycle.

The first night was always the worst.

The wolf would stretch its legs, do whatever it could as soon as it was set free. Sometimes it would try to escape, other times it had the strongest urge to kill that I had ever felt. Every time, it would be Sirius and James to stop it, calming it until morning came and I was back. The wolf liked the other two animals. It responded to them in a way I still couldn't understand. I didn't know if it was because they weren't human; I didn't know if it was because, deep down, I was still in control and recognised them... All I knew was that I never hurt them when the wolf had take over.

All day, I was in pain.

Every joint ached, every movement burned.

Throughout the day, Sirius would rarely let me get up. He would do everything for me, get anything I needed. He adamantly _refused_ to let me cause any unnecessary pain to myself. He had been like that for years. He had gotten worse since we had started living together. It was sweet and I appreciated it, don't get me wrong. But I was used to the pain. I was used to the ach I felt every day. He didn't have to take care of me like he did.

Before going to Hogwarts, before my friends managed to become Animagi, Dad was always the one to make a fuss. He was the one that wanted to help me with everything, hardly ever leaving my side during the moon cycle or the days following it. He was worse than my Mum was, by far! In a way, it was nice. I got to spend more time with my Dad, something I didn't have much chance to do when I was younger, what with his work.

Before I could think too much about it, a mug of tea and a bar of chocolate was lowered, slowly, in front of my face. Leaning back, carefully, I looked up at Sirius. He was smiling slightly.

"I know your ' _I need chocolate_ ' face." he told me. "I don't understand why you're so obsessed with it. I mean, yeah, it's good, but it's not _that_ good."

The moment I took the mug and sweet from his hands, placing the mug on the table, Sirius jumped over the back of the sofa, landing on the floor before softly sitting down. He was always doing that - in the Common Room at Hogwarts, at Lily and James' home, in our home... I didn't know what started it, I didn't know why he found it so amusing, but I didn't have the heart to tell him to stop.

"I've always loved chocolate. Don't know why, I just always have." I explained. "When I was younger, about three, I tried to give some to a dog owned by my Mum's friend... That was when I found out chocolate was poisonous to dogs."

Sighing, I slowly leant against Sirius, resting my head on his shoulder. He always seemed so comfortable.

"After Greyback changed me, when I was five, I ate as much chocolate as I could. I hated being a wolf, I didn't _want_ to be one. So I tried to poison it. But, no matter how much I ate, it never went away." I told him, fiddling with the wrapping of the chocolate. "When I was nine, I admitted defeat. I realised that the only way it would die was if _I_ died... I was in a _dark_ place until I met you on the train."

Sirius didn't say anything. He just wrapped an arm around my shoulders, resting the side of his head on mine. He just sat there with me, silently. It meant more than any words could.

* * *

As soon as the sun started to set, when James had come to the house, we made our way into the woods. We just kept walking and walking, hiking in deeper, weaving through the trees. We had to get as far away from people as we could. The further away we got, the safer everyone, including the three of us, were.

That was all that mattered.

What I hated was the repetitiveness of the situation. I hated having to make the same trip three times a month. I hated becoming a beast that would, quite happily, rip someone apart, no matter who they were.

I hated that I was, literally, a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Walking through the woods always reminded me of my first transformation. The anxiety, the fear, the confusion...

**_FLASHBACK - Tuesday, March 16th 1965 -_ ** **Hope Lupin's POV**

_It was the first full moon since Remus had been attacked. It had only been a week... Lyall couldn't be around Remus at all, spending the majority of his time in his shed in the garden. Remus didn't understand. How could he? He was still a baby..._

_Remus had the week off of school. We had said he was ill with the flu, but I didn't know how many times we could use that excuse. I didn't know what I was doing, I wasn't part of the wizarding world like Lyall... How was I supposed to keep Remus calm if I couldn't be calm myself?_

_Remus hadn't said anything since the attack. He had rarely slept, barely eaten anything but chocolate. He would cry. All the time, my baby would cry. When he passed out from exhaustion, he would wake up screaming from nightmares, screaming I knew Lyall could hear._

_Lyall felt guilty. He knew why Greyback did what he did, so he blamed himself. He couldn't bring himself to face Remus, couldn't face what his actions had done to our baby boy. I could understand that. But Remus needed his father, at that time more than ever. But Remus didn't understand. He was only five years old, he didn't understand fully what was going on._

_I just wanted Remus to be safe._

_I walked with Remus through the wooded area about half a mile from our home, taking him to a small shack Lyall had built out of stone, with a door of wood. He was going to turn it into a little play den for Remus, for when we thought he was old enough to go out into the woods on his own. I doubted that was ever going to happen... Thankfully, however, Lyall had placed charms on the shack, concealing it from view. He had even, very recently at my insistence, made it soundproof and so only Lyall or I could open the door to the shack, meaning Remus couldn't escape when transformed. It was the safest thing for Remus._

_The colours of the sky were a blended mix of reds, oranges and pinks. A beautiful, clear night. It was a shame Remus couldn't enjoy it. He was clutching my hand so tightly, physically shaking and almost in tears._

_"M-Mummy... I'm scared." Remus whimpered, huddling closer to my side._

_I tightened the grip on Remus' hand slightly, smiling at him as evenly as I could, trying to keep him as calm as possible._

_"I know, Sweetheart." I told him. "But I promise that everything will be ok."_

_"H-How do you know?" he sniffled._

_"Because Mummies know, baby."_

**(Small time skip)**

_Getting to the door of the shack, the sun was almost set, the moon to be rising soon. Remus was frozen, just staring up at the door of the shack, small tears already starting to roll down his face. I didn't want to send my baby inside the shack a lone, but there was nothing else I could do if I wanted him to stay safe._

_"Mummy, are you gunna stay?" Remus whispered, his voice shaking._

_Kneeling down, I brought Remus into a hug, cradling him as close as I possibly could. I just wished that would make it all better..._

_"Of course I am, baby boy." I hushed. "Mummy will be right here, ok? Mummy will stay here all night with you and won't go anywhere."_

_As I felt Remus nod against my neck, I felt his hands grasp tightly at the back of my jacket. I didn't want to let him go, I didn't want to leave his side. I just wanted to take all the bad from him, protect him from it. Remus didn't deserve any of it!_

_"Ok, baby, you need to go in now." I told him, trying to pull him off me._

_"No!" Remus protested, holding on as tight as he could._

_"Remus, baby, Mummy needs you to go inside."_

_"No, don't want to!"_

_"Remus-"_

_"Mummy, please don't make me!"_

_"I'm sorry-"_

_"Mummy!"_

_I had to pry Remus off of me and put him in the shack myself. I only just managed to place a kiss on his forehead, telling him I loved him, before closing the door... The last thing I saw was he face. Tears pouring down his cheeks, almost screaming for me. He pounded on the door, pleading for me to open it again, to let it out._

_I could do nothing but breakdown._

**(Small time skip)**

_As soon as the moon was up, a beam of silvery light seeping through a crack, I started to hear it. Sitting within the barrier, I could hear everything. I heard Remus go quiet, I could hear nothing but the slight Spring wind._

_It was an eerie quiet._

_Almost like a horror movie quiet._

_I was terrified when hearing the howl-like screams coming from inside the shack._

_Claws were upon the door in seconds, trying to rip at the wood, trying to escape from the prison the wolf was being kept in. I could almost hear bones breaking as they realigned, could hear the feral quality to the wolf being caged._

_With every howl, with every bang, my heart broke a little more. My baby was scared and practically alone, hurting himself because of this new part of him that he couldn't control. As a mother, I wanted to protect my baby._

_I wanted to wrap him in a blanket and keep all the monsters under the bed away from him._

_I wanted to take away all the nightmares and the injuries._

_I wanted to wrap him in love and never let him feel the sting of pain or hate._

_I wanted my baby to be happy, not scared and sad._

_With my hands in fists, I placed them on the back of my neck, bending my head down until it was almost touching my knees. I tried to convince myself everything would be alright._

_I tried to tell myself that Remus would come out the other end stronger, that it would make him a stronger person._

_I hoped that he would turn a bad situation around._

_I hoped that he would become a better man than the one I already knew he could be._

**(Small time skip)**

_The moment the sun had risen, I almost ripped the door off its hinges, trying to get to my baby. I found Remus curled up, half in the shadows, completely passed out on the floor, shivering from the contact of his naked skin against the stone floor. New scars were marking him, some still bleeding, others already sealed or starting to seal up._

_Grabbing a large, thick blanket from the bag I had brought with me, I placed it over my son before, carefully, picking him up. Remus stirred in my arms, whimpering as his wounds rubbed against the fabric of the blanket._

_"Shhh, it's ok, baby. Mummy's here." I whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead._

_Walking out of the shack, bending slightly to the bag, I took out a small bottle of water, undoing to lid as slowly as I could so I didn't jostle him. Putting the lip of the bottle to his mouth, I managed to coax him to drink a little, just so he was hydrated._

_I should have expected him to guzzle the entire bottle, panting after it was drained._

_"Let's get you home, baby." I murmured, softly. "We can get you all healed up. You can have a bath and something to eat. You can go to bed for a little bit. Sound good?"_

_Remus nodded weakly, barely able to move._

_Picking up the bag, hoisting it onto my shoulder, I started to make my way back towards the house. It wouldn't take long to get home, but I wished it was closer, just for Remus' sake._

_"Mummy?" Remus asked, sleepily, his voice hoarse and quiet._

_"Yes, Sweetheart?" I asked, gently._

_"Did I do good?"_

_Looking down at my baby boy's face, watched his eyes open a tiny slither as he bit at his dry and cracked lip._

_He always seemed to be worried about doing well..._

_"You did amazing, Remus. Mummy is very proud of you." I told him, smiling a softly as I could. "And Mummy loves you very, very much."_

_"Love... Mummy..." Remus whispered, drifting back into unconsciousness._

**_END OF FLASHBACK - Back to:_ ** **Saturday, August 14th 1981 - Remus' POV**

I couldn't remember what happened, but I remembered how I felt.

I remembered not wanting to go back to the shack.

I remembered crying and screaming and shaking.

I remembered the nightmares.

But I never remembered the transformations. I never did. It was the one thing I never remembered. I would wake up, with no memory of anything that had happened from the moment the moon came up to when the sun had risen again.

Every full moon it was the same.

"Hey, you doing ok?" Sirius asked, gently from my side, nudging me gently.

"As ok as I can ever be on a full moon." I sighed.

Sirius wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we walked deeper into the woods, pulling me tighter into his side. Every walk we took to the cave always ended up, at some point, with his arm around me.

It was the only thing I liked about the moon.

* * *

The next thing I remembered was waking up in bed, clean and in my pyjamas. Everything hurt, I could feel every new wound that was on my body. My head was pounding, as if a hammer was trying to break through my skull, beating on it like a bass drum.

I felt sick. My stomach was doing summersaults, just by me laying there as still as I could. I couldn't understand why it was flipping so much, I couldn't understand why it ached as much as it did.

I could barely move. Every bone, every joint, in my body felt like it had been through the wringer. It felt like there was nothing to them yet, at the same time, they felt like the heaviest objects I had ever been faced with.

I was so tired. I felt like I wanted to sleep for the next couple of years. I didn't want to get up out of bed. I didn't want to move off of the comfy cloud I seemed to be laying on. I couldn't remember the last time my bed felt as soft as it had at that moment. I couldn't remember the last time I didn't want to move from it.

I felt far older than twenty one. I felt as if I was in my eighties, at least. I felt so stiff, I ached and hurt everywhere. Any movement, every breath, was a struggle. It seemed to become a task, instead of a natural thing someone or something would do!

"I wish I was drunk." I groaned, coughing weakly.

"I've always wondered what a drunk wolf would do." Sirius' voice mused from the doorway. "Could be a lot of fun."

"I'd probably feel a lot better than I do now."

Sirius didn't deny or support my statement. He just smiled a little, walking into my room until he could sit in a chair he dragged to the side of my bed. He placed a mug of tea and a plate of buttered toast on my nightstand, gently helping me sit up.

I couldn't understand why he did so much for me...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I know it's been a while, but I've been having a lot of issues with family, University, my anxiety, etc. It's kind of knocked me off of my writing. Trust me when I say I'm trying to write for my fics as fast as I can.

**Chapter 8**

** Remus **

Tuesday, September 1st 1981. What would have been my first day as Professor Lupin, had I decided to start right away, I was spending at home with Sirius and Harry. We had decided to give James and Lily a day to themselves, telling them to go out for the day, just the two of them. Besides, looking after Harry was a very welcome distraction.

Sirius and I picked Harry up just after nine o'clock that morning. As soon as we had stepped though the doors of James and Lily's home, Harry rammed into our legs, in his baby walker. He was getting faster, the little devil, darting around like there was no tomorrow. Well, that was no surprise, considering who his Father and third-cousin-slash-Godfather were. He was, as some referred to him, a pocket rocket. I lifted the boy up, out of his walker, balancing him on my hip

"Are you both sure?" Lily asked, guiltily.

"We wouldn't have offered if it wasn't, Lils." I told her, taking one of the bags she had prepared for Harry. "You know we love having him."

"I know, I know! I just... I feel like we're taking advantage."

Before I could say anything, Sirius swooped in next to Lily, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He had that big grin on his face, the one that he always wore, and a twinkle in his eyes. Just typical Sirius.

"You better hush up, Lils." Sirius chuckled. "We're family. You can't take advantage of family. Now, hand over the sprog and go enjoy your day out with James."

"I hate to say it, but Sirius is right." James grinned.

"Oi!"

"Besides, if they can handle a one year old, then classes full of eleven to eighteen year olds should be a breeze!"

As soon as the words left James' mouth, I could feel my stomach churn. I hadn't really thought about the kids... I was too caught up in my Furry Little Problem, too caught up in how I would hide myself, that I forgot about the classroom full of students. Students that I would be responsible for, students that I would be caring for.

How was I supposed to deal with entire classes of children, teenagers, almost adults? How was I supposed to look after them, when, most of the time, I could barely look after myself? How was I supposed to allow parents to trust me with their children, when I could barely trust myself.

How could Lily and James trust me with _their_ baby?

How could I trust _myself_?

"I suppose you're right..." Lily sighed.

"Well, it had to happen someday." James chuckled, gently tugging Lily into his side by her hand, Sirius' arm dropping from around her shoulders. "Anyway, I have planned, hopefully, an amazing day for us."

I watched as the two of them practically folded into each other, Lily unable to stop a smile spreading across her face.

"Ok, fine, I give in." she giggled. "Now let me say goodbye to our son, before we leave."

Pulling away from James, Lily took the few steps she needed until she was next to me, carefully taking Harry from my arm, hugging him to her. I watched as she told him to be a good boy, watched as she kissed him. I watched as James wrapped an arm around Lily's waist, placing a hand on the back of Harry's head. I watched as Harry grinned up at his parents, babbling nonsense with only a word or two that made any sense.

I had to look away. Watching the three of them together just showed me what I would never have. As much as I wanted it, I would never have _that_ kind of family of my own. It hurt me. It hurt me to the point where I just couldn't watch them. So, instead, I made myself busy with picking up the rest of the bags Lily had prepared.

I suppose, the only good thing, is that I was a master at hiding it all. I was able to hide what I was really feeling, from my parents, since the age of five. I was able to hide what I was really feeling, from my friends, since I met them.

I doubt they had any idea, at all.

* * *

Harry settled fine when we got him to our place. He had been their often enough that it was almost like a second home, I suppose. The moment Sirius set him on the floor, Harry was off. He race crawled into the living room, over to the small toy box we kept for him. Sirius and I followed in behind him, placing the bags we had on the coffee table, temporarily. We watched as Harry, on his knees, hit his hands on the lid of the box, as if it was a drum. We watched as he attempted to take the lid off of the box, only achieving in grabbing at the edges.

"P'ay!" Harry said, turning to us. "P'ay!"

"You want to play?" Sirius grinned, walking over to the boy. "Can you say please?"

"P'ease?"

"Good boy, scoot over then."

As Sirius moved closer to the box, Harry let himself fall backwards onto his backside, just sitting there and clapping his hands together, giggling as Sirius opened the box for him. I started to move into the kitchen, when Sirius crouched down and helped the one year old get his toys out.

I grabbed a few of the bags along the way, placing them on the kitchen table out of Harry's reach. Usually, I would have started to unpack a few of the bags, take out the extra bottles and extra food Lily had put in, but I just wasn't in the mood for it at that moment. Instead, I moved towards the kettle, popping open the lid and emptying the old water before refilling it, placing it back on its stand, plugging it in and flicking both switches to turn it on and make it start to boil.

A cup of tea sounded _perfect_.

As soon as the kettle sprung to life, I turned my back to the counter, leaning back against it, my hands resting on it either side of me. I let my head lull back, eyes closed. There was only twelve days until the first day of the next set of full moons and, already, I could feel the _Thing_ inside me scratching away. I could feel it wanting to break out. It felt too soon to be feeling _It_ again. It felt too soon for the full moon to be so close already.

"Just breathe, Lupin." I muttered to myself. "Just breathe."

Yeah, fat lot of good that did.

Sighing, I waited for the pop of the kettle, telling me it had finished boiling. I moved on autopilot, grabbing the cups, tea bags and sugar. I didn't think as I moved, I barely paid attention to what I was doing.

Which was probably the reason why I ended up burning myself on the kettle. Well, at least it wasn't the boiling water.

* * *

After lunch, Sirius and I took Harry out. Sirius strapped Harry into his pushchair, all wrapped up in his coat, hat and gloves, the three of us just going for a walk around the village. It was cold and looked like it was probably going to rain, but it was worth it. We didn't care. Besides, Harry liked going for walks.

"Hey, Rem?" Sirius hummed as he pushed Harry in the buggy. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can." I frowned. "You've never asked before..."

"What was it like for you when we were at Hogwarts, getting sorted?"

_**FLASHBACK: Wednesday, September 1st 1971** _

_Standing in the middle of this massive hall, hundreds, maybe thousands, of people all around us, staring at us, I thought I was going to pass out. Or, at least, throw up. I was standing with the three people I had met on the train, the three people that were calling themselves my friends..._

_That was something I never thought I'd say I had. Friends. I actually had people that wanted to be my friends, people that didn't think of me as a freak, right off the bat. I never thought I'd find that... However, there were still a couple of problems. First, there was that issue of me being a werewolf. I still had that to worry about. Second, there was the issue of which house I would be sorted into._

_Dad had told me a lot about the four houses..._

_After the whole werewolf situation, Dad tried to be more open minded. Though, I could still see what he truly thought, no matter how well intentioned he was. It sounded as if he would be alright with me being in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, though Gryffindor was obviously his first and, honestly, only choice for me. Slytherin seemed to be a no go. Dad tried to word it carefully, but I could tell there wasn't a single good thing he could say about Slytherin house. Not that I understood why. It's not like everybody going into Slytherin was evil, right? People saw them as evil because of their views, and those in Slytherin probably turn slightly bitter because of those views, thus making others believe their assumptions of Slytherins were true. Surely it was just one vicious circle? Besides, Sirius said his entire family were in Slytherin and a few turned out good, not many but a few. That had to count for something, right?_

_I wasn't sure I knew where I belonged. Dad had told me of the Sorting Hat's song, telling me the verses of the houses. I wasn't sure I was brave, daring, chivalrous or had nerve like Gryffindors; I wasn't sure I was just, loyal, patient and unafraid of toil like Hufflepuffs; I wasn't sure I was wise, witty and smart like Ravenclaws; I wasn't sure I was cunning like Slytherins._

_So where was I meant to go?_

_Where did I belong?_

**(Small Time Skip)**

_Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, just as he wanted. To say everyone, well, those that knew of his family, were in shock was a_ huge _understatement. Sirius, on the other hand, was whooping and hollering, running back into the crowd of us first years, just so he could tackle James, screaming that he had finally done it, that he had finally proven he was nothing like his family._

_My chest ached. Could a family really be that bad? What could make someone want that? I wasn't sure I wanted to know._

_It felt like, all too soon, the Professor reading out our names got to me. I was vaguely aware of the encouraging pat on the back from James and meek good luck from Peter. I was vaguely aware of the massive grin and thumbs up from Sirius. All I could focus on was people staring at me as I walked to the stool. I could feel their eyes burning into my back and head. I could feel their eyes raking over me, noting every single visible scar. Tugging the sleeves of my robes over my hands, all I could think about was turning tail and running. I wanted to get away from the staring. I didn't want to be centre of attention!_

_Before I knew it, I was sitting on the stool. The hat felt heavy as it was placed on my head, almost uncomfortable. I almost screamed as it sprang to life._

"Ah, what do we have here?" _It drawled._ "Yes, I've heard about you. The werewolf boy."

_I could feel my heart in my throat, could barely hear anything over the sound of my blood rushing._

"You remind me of your Father. Yes, very alike you are." _the Hat continued._ "Tell me, where do you think you belong?"

"I-I-I don't kno-know." _I stuttered._

"No? I believe I could find a reason to put you in _any_ house."

"What?"

_I could feel a bead of sweat start to fall down the side of my face. I could feel my shoulders start to shake._

"It's true. Do you disagree?" _the Hat asked._

"Well, I-" _I started._

"Do you not see your bravery, living with the wolf inside you? Do you not see the loyalty you have to those you love? Do you not see the intelligence you possess? Do you not see the will you have to do anything to stay here, to succeed?"

"I don't-"

"Tell me, where is it you want to be placed? Forget where you think you belong, where do you want to be?"

_What was I supposed to say? I barely knew where I wanted to sit on the train, let alone what house I wanted to be in for the next seven years! It was a big choice to make. It was a choice that would define me and, probably, the rest of my life._

_How was I expected to decide so quickly?!_

_Trying to regulate my breathing, I tried to look around the room. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone in particular, but I wanted to see if I could see what I would be getting myself into._

_Which is when I spotted Sirius._

_As soon as I was looking at him, his face broke into this massive grin. He gave me the biggest, least subtle, double thumbs up I had ever seen... I couldn't help but to smile._

"I want to be in Gryffindor." _I decided._ "I want to be with my friend."

**_END OF FLASHBACK - Back to: Tuesday, September 1st 1981_ **

"It was terrifying, obviously." I told him. "Confusing... I wanted to hide."

"What stopped you?" Sirius asked.

"You."

It came out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about it. I saw Sirius' surprise out of the corner of my eye, wishing I could just take it back and, you know, actually _think_ about how I was going to answer.

But I couldn't.

"I mean, do you remember what you were doing, whilst I was up there?" I recovered. "There you were, someone who actually wanted to be my friend, someone who barely knew me, grinning at me and being supportive... Not only did it help me decide which house I wanted, but it helped me calm down. You really helped me."

All there was after that was the same grin on Sirius' face as he had back then. It was getting harder to hide just how much he meant to me.

* * *

Sirius and I were keeping Harry for the night. We had a travel cot for the times we had him over night, not that it was that often since we spent a lot of time with the Potters. The cot was set up in our spare room, across the hall from both of ours.

It was around seven that evening that Sirius took Harry upstairs. Harry was always very easy to put to sleep. All he needed was a bottle of milk after a bath, resting on somebody as he drank it, no noise or flashing lights to fire him up again. It was at this point in the day that it was hard to see James in him. Any other time of the day, however, it was _all_ James!

Curled on the sofa with a cup of hot chocolate, I kept my eyes trained on the photo album, in my lap, that I had brought down from my room. This particular photo album was filled with pictures from my years at Hogwarts with Lily and the boys. The first picture - Peter, James, Sirius and me, all of us gathered in the middle of our dorm room. The picture was taken on our first night at Hogwarts. We were high on the fact we were all in the same house, high on the fact that the people we had clicked with on the train were our dorm mates. It was one of the pictures I treasured above others. It was the first time in my life that I _actually_ had friends.

Things had changed so much since that picture was taken.

I was too into the picture to realise Sirius had come back downstairs, not until the sofa dipped slightly, an arm carefully coming to rest around my shoulders.

"Don't think he'll be waking up any time soon." Sirius smiled. "Little sprog's knackered."

"Of course he is, Uncle Sirius kept him running all day." I snorted, placing my photo album on the coffee table. "I'm surprised he wasn't asking for bed earlier."

Chuckling, Sirius lifted his hand to play with the ends of my hair, a habit that had started during fifth year.

"Hey, Sirius?" I mumbled, leaning back into his had slightly. "Why'd you ask me about the sorting?"

Sirius was quiet for a moment. I didn't look up, I stayed exactly as I was. The past had proven it was easier for Sirius to talk about some thing's when he didn't have anyone staring at him. So I just sat there and waited.

I didn't have to wait too long.

"I was just- I was thinking about what it would be like for Harry. Whether he'd be like James and know for definite which house he'd be in. Or if he'd be like me and pray to _Merlin_ to be in a certain house..." Sirius admitted. "Then I was wondering what it was like for you. I've always wondered, really. Especially since it took that old Hat so long to decide when, obviously, you belonged in Gryffindor, no ifs or buts."

I couldn't help but smile. Sirius was the only person that could make me feel better about anything, and he was the only person who had said that to me.

"Thanks, Pads." I whispered, leaning into him.

"What for?" he asked, frown apparent in his voice.

"Everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I know it's been a while, but I've been having a lot of issues with family, University, my anxiety, etc. It's kind of knocked me off of my writing. Trust me when I say I'm trying to write for my fics as fast as I can.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

** Remus **

_It was as if I was watching a movie. I could see myself, a kid, laying in bed, too excited to fall asleep. Could you blame a kid, when their birthday was the next day? The younger me was reading Hogwarts: A History, by torch light, trying in absorb everything I could about the school I would be attending in a few years. It fascinated me. Ever since learning that I was a wizard, just like my Dad, I had wanted to learn all I could._

_I could never say if I wish I had been asleep or not._

_My window was wrenched open, the glass smashing and covering my carpet. The man sneaking into my room was slowly changing, snarling as he stalked over to me. I couldn't move, couldn't make a sound. It was as if I had been frozen to my bed._

_I didn't see the man move._

_The next thing I knew, teeth had clamped over my left shoulder, claws tearing at my stomach and sides. The scream was practically ripped from my lungs. I could remember the pain. It was as if fire had engulfed my body, needles attached to every flame that licked at my body. The worst pain I had felt, before then, was a skinned knee or a bump on the head. Nothing could be compared to the pain of someone having their hand trying to slice right through you._

_Blood pooled in my mouth, chocking me and dripping all over my front. Everything was drenched in the red liquid, the stuff pouring from my body. I couldn't form any words but, in my head, I was begging for my Dad to save me, begging for him to help me! I couldn't even grab onto the man on top of me to try and kick him off. I had no strength. Plus, he had easily pinned me down onto my bed, my entire being completely at this man's mercy, or lack thereof._

_I could only watch my younger version being torn into. Chunks of flesh being ripped from my bones, blood splattering all around me. I was surprised I was able to stay awake. I couldn't remember being able to do that. The man on me seemed happy at my screams. Almost as if he was getting off on them, laughing manically. His entire face, his hair, his hands, his arms – all of him was dyed with my blood, which only seemed to make him happier._

It was then that I woke up.

I was drenched with sweat, my bed-shirt sticking to me, my entire body shaking. Nightmares were awful. Nightmares that were actually memories were worse. I should have been used to having nightmares of that night, should have been used to reliving it all. However, every time felt like it was only just happening.

But I couldn't dwell on it too long.

We never knew if Harry was going to sleep the night. Sometimes he could, other times he would wake up screaming. Usually, I would hear Harry crying. He wasn't that far away, and Sirius and I kept the doors open. That night, however, nothing had woken me up. Nothing had roused me from my sleep, my eyes not opening until somewhere after nine in the morning.

Stretching myself out, my joints popping slightly. For a moment, I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling. I wanted to stay in bed, to not get up, but I knew I had to. Harry would, most likely, be up at any moment, if he wasn't already. Rubbing a hand over my face, I walked out of my room and headed for the bathroom. It was in the opposite direction of where Harry was so, if he was still sleeping, I shouldn't disturb him. I tried to be as quick as I could, what with the idea of going back to bed sounding so nice. I had to throw cold water over my face a few times to attempt to wake up. Not that it really worked, but at least my eyes weren't as heavy. Looking at my reflection, I couldn't help but note the bags under my eyes. Well, I say under…. It was more like they were _around_ my eyes, almost like they were being drawn back into my skull.

"Looking old, Lupin." I sighed to myself.

That was when I heard Harry. It was just a small noise, a little babbling like all babies. Drying my face, quickly, I left the bathroom, heading back towards the bedrooms. It wouldn't be long before Harry was too hungry – no one wanted to deal with a hungry Harry. Pushing the door open, I expected to see Harry standing, holding onto the cot to keep him steady, as always. I expected to hear him chatting nonsensically to himself, smiling as he leant forward.

I didn't expect for his cot to be empty.

I couldn't describe the panic that set in my stomach. It was worse than when we faced Voldemort, worse than when the lads had found out what I was. That was the closest I could get to describing the feeling. Stumbling backwards, I practically threw myself across the hallway, to Sirius' room, poking my head around the door.

Nothing.

I didn't think. I just ran down the stairs, taking two at a time, picking myself back up when I slipped on the stairs. I didn't care that my ankle hurt. I didn't care I was sweaty and a complete mess, I just needed to find Sirius and Harry. I needed to know they were ok.

I should have expected to find them in the living room.

I couldn't help but throw myself at the two of them, hugging them when I found them. Harry thought nothing off it, only giggling and wrapping his hands in my shirt. Sirius, however, could tell.

_I need to pull myself together…._

* * *

Sirius didn't ask anything, but he kept a close eye on me. He knew that talking about it would cause a change our emotions, something Harry would easily pick up on. Young children always seemed to be eerily aware of things like that. Sirius didn't seem to mind that I stayed rather close to him and Harry. In fact, he seemed to encourage it. Whenever I got up, he would follow me; whenever he got up, he would wait to see if I would go with him, which I always did. Harry seemed to like it. He didn't see anything wrong with the arrangement, alternating being held by the two of us.

It was around eleven that morning that James and Lily showed up. Sirius and I knew they wouldn't leave right away, they never did. Not that either of us minded. We had all gotten used to seeing each other every day, a habit we were hardly going to grow out of anytime soon. Harry would have jumped at his parents if he could. The smiles on Lily and James' faces were enormous, splitting their faces from ear to ear. When Lily took Harry into her arm, she bounced him slightly into the air, watching as her son giggled and squealed, babbling away. James hugged the two of them close, the moment Lily had her arms around Harry, placing his hand on the back of Harry's hand and rustling the kid's hair.

"Hi, baby!" Lily cooed, kissing the top of Harry's head. "Hi!"

"Were you a good boy for Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus?" James chuckled. "Hey? Were you a good boy?

The three of them just looked so happy. Through the war, James and Lily had stayed so optimistic, so loving and caring. They let nothing get in the way of them raising their son. They were there, at the frontline of the war, fighting to make a better world for Harry and all the other children in both the Muggle and Wizarding world. They had always seemed to happy, throughout it all. Even during the darkest times, when nobody thought we'd win. When nobody thought we'd survive. They were, as Alice and Frank called them, a Power Couple. You didn't have to know James and Lily long to know what they meant.

"Of course, he was, Prongs." Sirius grinned. "He's always good for us."

"Didn't make a peep all night." I added. "Been an absolute angel."

"I expected nothing less." Lily nodded.

It took only a minute or two before we all moved into the living room, with a cup of tea each. James and Lily huddled close on the sofa, Harry happy to sit with them both and play with their hands. Sirius and I took the other sofa, leaving only the two armchairs free. I couldn't help but smile, watching two of my best friends with their child. I still couldn't believe all the luck that had fallen on us all. On them. It was a miracle, to say the least.

"So, it looks like you two had a good night." I smiled, leaning back into the sofa cushions. "Seems like you really needed the break."

"I don't think we realised just how much we needed it." James laughed. "As much as we love our boy, raising a kid is hard work."

"Only just realised?

It was nice, being able to joke around with them all. It was nice that we were still able to be around each other. James and Lily had come so close to dying. If it hadn't been for a tip Dumbledore had received from someone, outside of The Order, telling us to move James, Lily and Harry…. Well, who knew what would have happened. I just wish we _knew_ who told Dumbledore.

* * *

James and Lily took Harry home at, around, three that afternoon. It always seemed so quiet when the three of them were gone, something I never would have expected since I lived with Sirius. Harry brought this life with him, wherever he went.

Sirius and I sat in the living room, at opposite ends of the sofa. Whilst I was rereading my school books, to familiarise myself with the text and everything within it, Sirius was curled up in a ball, facing me, with a pad of paper and pencil in hand. The gentle scratch-scratch of the pencil against the paper was actually rather soothing, as if we were back in the Gryffindor Common Room. I could feel my muscles start to relax, the rest of the tension from that morning finally leaking out. My body ached from where it had been pulled painfully taut all day, protesting at how tight they had been wound. Sighing softly, I tried to be discreet about stretching out my limbs. Not that it worked. Sirius always seemed to know when something was wrong with me.

"Is it because of whatever happened this morning?" he asked, quietly, glancing at me from beneath his lashes, chewing at the inside of his cheek.

_No point lying._

"Yeah…." I mumbled, placing my bookmark between the pages of my book, closing it before putting it on the coffee table.

"Wanna talk about it?" Sirius offered, slowly. "It might help."

Honestly, I wasn't sure if it would help. I had heard it so many times before and, sometimes, if truly did. It just depended on the problem. I just wasn't sure if this problem would be fixed by talking. It was most likely going to be something I lived with for the rest of my life, something I never got over. Dreams about that night would always haunt me, especially since there was no cure for what I had.

"I don't know." I sighed, dragging my hand down my face.

"There's no harm in trying." Sirius shrugged. "We can always change the subject, if you need to."

It was one of the things I loved about Sirius. Some people didn't get to see this side of him. Didn't get to see the gentle, caring man beneath the leather jacket and tattoos. A lot of people did, because Sirius trusted them and they actually treated him like a person. People like his Parents, however? They saw none of the man I knew. It almost made me feel bad for them. _Almost_.

"Greyback." I whispered.

The moment the name was out, Sirius sat up straighter, putting down his pad of paper and pencil. I didn't look at him, just kept my eyes on the sofa between us, biting at my lip.

"About when he…. You know." I muttered.

"Hey, you don't have to." Sirius told me, shifting a little closer, placing a hand on the back of my neck. "I know the basics, if you want to leave it at that."

"No, I–I want to tell you."

I didn't realise I wanted to until the words left my mouth. Sirius was one of the people I trusted the most. Out of everyone I knew, that knew about what I was, Sirius was probably the one I trusted the most to be the first I told about _all_ of it.

"It was the night before my fifth birthday and I couldn't sleep, for obvious reasons. It was _way_ past my bedtime, but I just wasn't tired. It must have been around ten when Greyback almost ripped my window off it's hinges. Glass went everywhere and Greyback was starting to change." I whispered. "I didn't know what was going on. I'd never heard about Werewolves before, let alone seen one. I guess I was a mix between fascinated and terrified but, either way, I just couldn't move."

It was somehow _easy_ telling Sirius. The words seemed to flow, something that had never happened when it came to my condition. I mean, just telling Lily and the guys the basics had made me a stuttering mouse!

"I didn't even see Greyback move. One moment he was at my window, his body changing, next he was on top of me, pinning me down with his teeth clamped around my shoulder and his claws ripping through my body." I continued. "I don't really remember much apart from pain and blood but, apparently, my Dad heard me screaming and got off me, shooting him with curse after curse. If it wasn't for him, Greyback would have killed me."

Sirius didn't say anything. He just stared at me, his eyes wide.

"I didn't talk until the night before my first full moon. I was mostly healed by then, but it still hurt to talk and walk. Mum pretty much carried me everywhere, whenever she could." I added. "It took Dad months before he could stand to be in the same room as me. Even longer to look at or talk to me. I thought I had made him angry and it…. It killed me. It wasn't until he finally spoke to me that it was because he blamed himself, for what happened."

"Why?" Sirius barely whispered.

"Dad insulted Greyback and Werewolves, Greyback wanted to get back at him. What better way than to go after his kid? It was something that would hurt Dad the most."

Sirius didn't say anything else. He just shuffled closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, leaning his head against mine.

"I didn't find out why Greyback did it, until a couple of years before Dumbledore visited us." I told him, my eyes beginning to sting and throat aching. "Dad thought I would hate him, that I would blame him. But I never – I could never…."

I couldn't continue talking. I knew that if I did, I would be a mess. And Sirius knew that. So, he didn't ask any more questions, didn't say anything. He just sat there, his arm around me. I was lucky that he was my friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, but I've been having a lot of issues with family, University, my anxiety, etc. It's kind of knocked me off of my writing. Trust me when I say I'm trying to write for my fics as fast as I can.  
> Please, please review XD  
> Thanks a lot guys XD

**Author's Note:**

> Please review XD
> 
> Thanks XD


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